Monthly Archives: July 2010
Or The View From My Door. This week’s self-explanatory theme gleaned another bumper harvest of photos, the first of which immediately undermined the premise by being from a tent. Trust @LucyDoux to do “The View From my Flap”; fair enough I suppose since she was in a field at WOMAD (at, I think, Charlton Park) on Sunday. Doesn’t the weather look gorgeous (!)?
Fence-path-wall-grass-wall-trees now as we peep out of @Starlitwolf’s front door. It looks very quiet. Wonder whose job it is
to mow all that grass, though?
And on the right a sylvan scene as the sleepy sun sinks slowly behind too much alliteration. This is the jungly view from @hebbie’s back door. She also sent me a video of another, somewhat different view from out of her back door, which you can see HERE (it IS worth a click, trust me).
By now, we all know @thom_white to be an imaginative soul, and this week is no exception. These are his submissions, taken from his front door, one at the start of the day, and one at the end. Becoming Sherlock Holmes for a moment, I can surmise that there is a street lamp to the left, that Thom has a white car, and that the neighbours across the road an automobile of a darker hue. Also, he probably has a beautiful wife named Helen. Elementary.
And look, over on the left is an entry from another White – @white76 – this may be the worst front door view in the entire world, although you can have fun making weird robot faces out of the pattern of the bricks. Heh he heh. Look at that one there, he’s grumpy! Oh, sorry….
If you’ll look to your right, dear readers, you will be impressed by the magnificent view of “Ally Pally” afforded @underbundle from his front door. Huh? Yes you can, look – over there, behind the trees. No, behind the trees BEHIND the big house. Yes, that’s it. Well, I’m sure it looks bigger close up.
Now who’s this sauntering along Sundaypics Lane now? Why, it’s old @hardyduncan himself, and look! He’s been playing with his panorama-stitch software to present us with an actually quite impressive view of his back garden. Look, there’s his little slide and everything.
First up, @janegoth’s back patch, complete with a bike/watering can hybrid. I dread to think what she uses it for – enemas on the move, possibly. Next, it’s Christmas outside @nortoner’s front door. Hang on, wait a minute. Doesn’t that look like the car that was parked opposite Thom’s house earlier? I wonder if they’re both being watched by the CIA or CI5 or something? Ah well, no time to speculate, for over on the right is @ironthighs’s front door – if I press my nose against the glass, I think I can just see the sea. Sorry about the snot-mark.
A couple of squares now. I mean of course, the shape of the photographs ha ha, for I’m certain that both contributors are hep-cats, as young people say these days. The first is from the back door of @crofty, who invites us to spot some ducks around an ornamental blue plastic pond. Ornamental, you say? Okay. The second photo over there is from @ameadey of the back door view of some house in Whitstable, where she was staying. She says “I was tempted to send a pic of my toilet, but I’m mature”. Yes, Audrey.
There will now be a short intermission while I nom a bacon and banana sandwich (left). Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it. Ice-cream and Kiaora are available from the girl with the tray (actually @little_mavis with a shoebox).
Right, on we go, with a literal interpretation of “through my door” from the ever-popular @binarydad. Somebody’s painted on your door there, Liam. Presumably some wandering artistic graffiti artist, since it is rather pretty. Although now I think of it, maybe that’s NOT painted on the door? Perhaps at the very moment you clicked your shutter, some alien sub-Pinky Ponk flew across the house opposite, narrowly missing the chimneys? The truth is out there.
A view of some rather parched plants from @littlebit_bod’s side door on the left now. Maybe she could borrow @janegoth’s watering can? Also, might I suggest you don’t leave you keys in the keyhole, for it wouldn’t take much for a lithe, muscular athletic type (such as me) to spring over that six-foot fence and yoink your keys for nefarious key-related criminality.
Back over to the right now, as we keep slaloming through this section, and @flossietp is at pains to point out that “the gardener was on leave”. Don’t know why – compared to ours, that’s one hell of a tidy garden. Is that an aviary I spy down at the end, or simply a place to keep the men you manage to entrap with your siren-call?
“I have a low maintenance garden and yes that is a dance floor” @catinabaglady is eager to inform us about her back garden. That’s OK, I’m not judging, although I’m intrigued. Do you waltz, twist, or do the Gay Gordons? It matters not – you can do whatever you like in your own garden, as long as it’s not naked trampolining apparently. (Actually, if you DO try that, send pictures).
I’m getting a bit dizzy with all this bobbing from side to side, so let’s see if I can fit in another triple, eh?
The first two photos are taken from @inhumanbeing’s house – back and front respectively. Doesn’t it look lovely? Although in my opinion the removal of the huge fuffing street lamp from next door’s lawn wouldn’t go amiss. Unless that’s NOT next door, in which case the street lamp is lovely too. On the right is @kayleigh_james’s towel, taken by @de_ingram out the back door. I like the flower bottom right.
Look at this beautiful door on the left. Let’s open it and see what’s outside, shall we? Why, it’s @dai_bach’s front steps, and chessboard path. Nice. That’s a rather sporty red number parked outside… hang on. Bloody hell, that car opposite! It’s the CIA car again, the one that was spying on @thom_white and @nortoner earlier. This post is rapidly turning into an episode of Chuck. What have you three been up to? And is a slight reference to Chuck enough reason to treat myself to an Yvonne Strahovski photo? Probably not 😦
This next three start off with another tent pic – this time at the Indie Tracks Festival, whatever that was. It is provided by the remarkable @greythorne. Hope it didn’t rain. The middle photo is @FBishWife’s view from the front door – yes, we’ve put gravel down too. It saves on quite a lot of mowing. This hat-trick is completed by @00spiltmilk00, who provides us with a view of the kids “playing Party Party Party like angels” out of the back door.
A couple of colourful, easy-to-maintain areas now from @anniesten and @little_mavis. Both look like nice places to sit of a sunny morning, tea in hand and smell of bacon wafting over a Spring breeze. Ahhh!
Then here on the left is another little slide in a garden, this time belonging to @sarahpez. No shortage of chairs in their house. And if you look closely, you can make out a GHOST HAND about to pluck the slide out of the garden and drag it to HELL!
Let’s see whether I can get another “slalom” going, by plonking a thinnish photo on the right to start. Here’s one from @fyreflye’s chickens, which shows the view from their front door. Um, yes.
A cabin in rural Louisiana is where @ajonesie was on this particular Sunday, and so she has shown us her view from there. Not much there to excite comment, I’m afraid. Louisiana is boring.
Hey look – it’s @fraggle_red23’s back patch on the right now, refreshingly untidied of the builders rubble and confused dog wondering what the heck’s going on.
Let’s have a couple of @snowgirl1972 specials now. First, on the left, is her back entry, and on the right is a photograph up her ginnel. Thank goodness we have the photographic evidence, otherwise the previous sentence would have come across as prurient, or even downright filthy.
Coming into a bit of a long straight now, and it’s nearly teatime when I want to have most of the blog finished, so I’m going to see if I can cram in three sets of three – a World Record!
Here goes with the first set –
Two from @OldMotherRiley – the first out of the back door complete with inexplicable dogbowl up a tree, and the second out of the front. No, that’s not her vehicle – the War and Peace Show (whatever that is) had just ended. Over on the right is the front door belonging to @BestOfTimes. Rather pretty, yes?
And these three are from @ButMadNNW – the first is from the front door of the place from where she has just moved, or ‘flitted’ as we Yorkshire folk say, and the second two of her new place – front and ‘patio’. ‘Patio’ eh? – posh.
We’re in the final straight now, so I’m going to whack in a couple of banks of three, cos it’s easier and quicker and I’m knackered with all this bloggery. Here goes –
On the left, a VERY modern and clean looking front door belonging to @mikeybaer, followed by our own @captain_doodle’s front door, and then his back door. Somehow I would have expected more shrubbery and less bin.
The first two here, where civilisation is being taken over by Nature as the trees eat anything man-made, are of @kirtle’s front and back views. Oooh! A trampoline! And the rightmost pic is from @boolbar and is quite quite gorgeous.
See you next Sunday, cariads.
Little Mavis’s Little Corner of Educational Delight
Mr. @underbundle’s submission this week offered us a view of Ally Pally, or Alexandra Palace. It was built in an area between Hornsey, Muswell Hill and Wood Green in North London in 1873 as a public centre of recreation, education and entertainment, and as North London’s counterpart to the Crystal Palace in South London.
Don’t bang your chairs when you leave.
A while ago, Mrs. Wombat (@little_mavis) was musing on Twitter with a number of the Twitterati about where, mathematically, might be the axis of all our locations. The closest she could come up with was “somewhere in the Peak District”. This set cogs a-whirring in the impressive brain of one of our best FWWNMs (friends whom we’ve never met) – the singularly dashing @captain_doodle.
Rather efficiently, he arranged a Peaks Tweetup – a gathering of folk who communicate through Twitter. These events, it seems, usually take place in a pub, but Rich had more grandiose ideas, and eight of us (if you count Ben, who has his own Twitter account @GoodBoyBen) met up in the Derwent Valley for a ramble/hike/tweetup. Rich even produced a magnificent PDF document as a guide and souvenir of the day.
Our Captain had promised (hang on, let me make sure I quote this correctly) “Starts with a gentle reservoir-side stroll, then a bit of a steady ascent (nothing rock climby) to the top. Once you’re up there it’s pretty flat the rest of the way, taking in some unusual rock formations, then down”. Sounds fairly easy, yes? Lying git.
After we’d strolled past the rather impressive dam, we needed to climb these steps to even reach the “gentle reservoir-side stroll”. Look how nippily I’m hauling my bulk up those steps. I had to refresh myself with a little @matronmim before proceeding.
To be fair, the initial stroll was quite gentle, and it was here that we first realised the beauty of this sort of tweetup. The fluidity of the walk meant that conversational groups were constantly changing, so that all of us mixed with all of us, rather than just nattering to the person sitting to our right, as might happen in a pub. Here’s the ladies in action – @shelley279, @vickyperry, @little_mavis and @matronmim.
Vicky had brought a selection of SWEETIES, so we stopped for a Sweetie break. @Domburf helped himself to a Sherbet Dipdab thingy, which lasted him a very long time. At least those bits he didn’t squirt over his companions did.
It went on forever, but at the top the views began to be unremittingly magnificent, and our curses at Rich turned gradually into appreciation.
We continued along Derwent Edge for what seemed like, and actually were, hours. Occasionally we stopped to laugh at the mincing hairy-backed jogger as he camped past us one way or the other, his orange bumbag gradually easing down his shorts until…. well, ew. Sadly, we were all too busy laughing to take a photo. We did take this photo, though, which is one of my favourites –
A short time later, we were in the pub, footsore but happy. It really was a bobby-dazzler of a day, and I was chuffed to discover that these people whom I only knew through their 140 character witterings popping up in my Tweetdeck, were actually the wonderful characters that they had appeared to be online.
So thanks to Shelley, Dom, Vicky, Mary, Mim and particularly Rich for giving me a day to remember and making an old man very happy. Let’s definitely do it again soon. Maybe with a little less walking, or we’ll all end up in the same state Ben was in at the pub:
Oh, and if you want to see more photos of the day, there’s a video here:
It’s not often that you visit a new place where you instantly feel welcome and properly relaxed. For the Wombats, Brook Farm is such a place – a beautiful farmstead over 400 years old in the Welsh Marches. There, our Twitter friends Sarah & William (@nicelittleplace) run a B&B and Self-Catering cottage, and being in dire need of a break we spent a wonderful two nights there. And before you start sighing, this is NOT an advert – I just loved the place so much I HAD to blog about it.
Brook Farm is reached by narrow country roads, and sits back from a very quiet lane, close by a small humpbacked bridge over (what else?) a brook. We were welcomed at once by two friendly dogs – Harry, who is a Large Münsterländer, and Dixie, who isn’t. They did their best to entertain us whenever we saw them. Sarah was extremely friendly and welcoming too, of course, fresh from tending her amazing garden, of which more later.
The rooms are very pretty and arse-meltingly comfortable, and the book-lined sitting room was perfect for me in the evenings. Gentle music, complementary home-made damson vodka, and a wide selection of books (I chose “Scott’s Last Expedition” and a small volume of Pepys) and the moistest, tastiest cake ever made me want to just sit there for hours.
We decided what time we wanted breakfast, and next morning, half an hour before, Sarah delivered a tea-tray to the bedroom door. Talk about civilised! For my first breakfast I chose “lovely scrambled egg with flakes of local smoked trout”. It was indeed lovely, delicious right down to the edible flower. Full English on the second day was unbelievably ‘full’, and again nommy.
The gardens are a bit special too. Extensive, beautifully tended with a variety of plants painting the ground, they include woods and a brook. Various cats slink about the numerous buildings. I particularly enjoyed the flavoursome tiny strawberries which we found scattered along a bank.
Altogether a fantastic place. Really. It did us a lot of good. And listen, if you DO want to investigate more (and why wouldn’t you?), checkout the web page HERE or contact Sarah as @nicelittleplace on Twitter. You’ll be so glad you did.
I reckon that if you ask a person to display their name in whatever way they see fit, you can tell a lot about their personality, even their inner desires, by the medium they choose to represent themselves. Let’s try try out The Wombat Theory of Spellativity on these first two entries from @white76, over on the right there.
As evidenced by the first exhibit, Shona sees herself as a bit of a sweetie, possibly with a soft centre if there are, as I suspect, raisins in there. However, exhibit B reveals her true horrific nature as a twisted Shona, falling to pieces, and desperate to be covered in some sort of tomato-based sauce. Hmm. Perhaps I should rename my theory to The Wombat Theory of Crap. Tell you what, let’s just carry on as normal, eh?
Two pics from @ButMadNNW now, both of which must have taken great care. The twine one must have taken delicacy, but at least could be corrected, which can not be said of the choclet writing ‘Rebekah’. Although I suppose if you cocked up, you could eat your error and start again.
This entry from @mrchambers looked to me at first as if it was those magnetic kid’s letters stuck on a fridge BUT NO! For he is subtler than that, and has in fact attached spongy letters by means of moisture to bathroom tiles. I can’t remember the last time I was allowed to attach something spongy by means of moisture. Ah well.
Wooden block printy letters are the favoured medium from @lucyhg. She in fact sent a picture of them as they actually appear (that is, reversed so that when paper is applied the letters are printed correctly). I took it upon myself to mirror her pic so that her name could be read more easily. I’m beginning to think I should have left well alone, for maybe that in itself was a ‘statement’. Although what of, I can’t imagine.
Why is there always one entry that starts me off thinking about licking mayonaisse from smooth female skin? What’s that you say? Cos I’m a perv? Well, yes, you’re probably right, but I defy you to look at @ironthighs’ entry to the right there without yourself thinking of licking that lot off her arm. Actually, it could be a really weird leg if you squint a bit….
One of my favourites on the left. I love the colours, the asymmetry, and the use of an exclamation mark in lieu of an ‘i’. @snowgirl1972 sent this one in, bless her little cotton socks.
Right, who was next to send a pic after Snowgirl? Ah yes, @ExNavyGirl with a delightfully balanced cutout of her full name which also displays her love of music. I love a woman with a long neck.
The next entry (on the right) I found cute, colourful, sweet and something I’d love to get my tongue around. I know what sentence you’re expecting next, but you’re wrong, for @ameadey is a true lady who deserves the respect of a gentleman, rather than any crude sexual jokes and references. So ner.
What can I say about that which follows? The sheer hard work, imagination, and sheer cruelty that went into creating this masterpiece beggars belief. It fully deserves to be displayed across the whole page. Well done, @BinaryDad – expect a call from Social Services soon. If you’re struggling, dear reader, shame on you, but it says “Liam”.
A couple of nutters now, as you can see. I ought to know what kind of nuts these are (like it matters), cos Liz told me, but I’ve forgotten and now the photos look too grainy when enlarged to make them out. I tried licking the photographs in an idiotic attempt to taste their nuts, but all that got me was a spitty screen.
Over on the right there is a remarkably artistic entry from @davidtims. Imaginatives use of everyday objects to create the unusual – book, glass, binder, remote, watch and headphones all combine in avid fashion, but what the hell has David used for his ‘D’? Is it a handbag? And if so, is it his, or did he nick it from Julie? The public has a right to know.
What two objects would you say sum up the personality of our own @captain_doodle? What’s that you say, dear reader? Toy cars and subbutteo players? Quite right – take ten points, a tick, and a gold star.
I’m pretty sure that @catinabaglady would have completed her full name over on the left, but (as we all suspected she might) she has lost her marbles.
And on the right, one which may have your grey matter working overtime. It’s from @neillockwood, and I think it’s superb.
OK, pop-pickers, once you’ve got the idea of this next one from the aromatic @thom_white, I recommend with all my thingy that you click on it to peruse the larger version. The records are WELL cool, thus proving that our Mr. White is well hep, as you crazy young cats say nowadays.
This here’s a clever, and may I say exceedingly artistically done, representation of her name by @OldMotherRiley. I think the ‘Old’ is from Old Speckled Hen, and the Riley is, well, a Riley – but from where comes the ‘Mother’. I know not, readers. I am stumped. Flummoxed. Banjaxed. Perhaps you can help.
And if you look to your right, @youngkimmie’s gone berserk with the dog biscuits. I hope the dog got to gobble up her name afterwards.
Thinking on a large scale and completely redesigning her whole garden in the process, @little_mavis came up with this mighty effort. I particularly like the scattering of creatures in there. I can spot eight. Oh, and don’t spend ages trying to make it say “Mavis”, for that is not her real name. Now that you know that, you should be able to read her real name easily.
Now, over on the right are two examples where our tweeters got so enthused by the idea that they had another go. The top one is from @OldMotherRiley – Carole obviously deciding to taunt her dogs by laying out lots of biscuits on the floor and telling them they couldn’t have them.
The lower (though not lesser) of the two sequels is from @lucyhg who has decided to use… OMG, are those swords? And… nunchucks? By Crikey, a woman with weapons. It’s enough to make a wombat’s sap rise.
A beautifully artistic one on the left here, based on a simple premise. I’ll let you work out that premise for yourself, but I have to say that it is a fascinating photograph in its own right. The photo is from @janegoth.
Again on the left, another fine work of art from @mikeybaer. Simple, yet extremely effective. What makes it work is his use of different keyboards (opines Wombat, the arbiter of all Artistic Endeavour).
I’ll hazard that over the years since @hardyduncan had that terrible haircut (remember last week’s #SUNDAYPICS?) not many people have told him he looks good enough to eat, but I shall buck that trend after admiring his foody Rory.
Another surprisingly common theme this week is that of taunting dogs by using their biscuits. @ajonesie has done this, albeit this time with a wildy coloured selection of unhealthy looking doggy snacks. Psychedelic man. At least she lets us know that the poor pooches didn’t go without after the photo was taken, given their patience.
And look who’s bouncing along to see us now! Why, it’s @GoodBoyBen, a-wagging of his tail and a-smiling of his big doggy gob. Surely he, being canine, will also take the doggy treat approach?
Nope! See. I was wrong there! What he’s done, with remarkable skill I have to say for a creature with a brain only 5% the size of my own impressive organ, is to use his toys. See, there’s Raggy the Pull, Mia the Blue Elephant, many balls, and last but not least, Mia the Unicorn. Good Boy Ben.
Are all feeling a bit worn out by these? Then what you need to see to liven you up is a food-based triple of the kind that not many blogs would be able to pull off. I’m not even sure this blog will, although pulling off is one of my fortés. Lets go –
CHEESE! …and @nnop makes an impressive start to the triple with an incredibly neat effort – how did he get the edges so straight? Only he knows. CHOCLET! @chickenprincess takes the baton with consummate skill, even managing the flourish of a smiley just before handing the baton on for PIEOFSOMEKIND! Only @snowgirl1972 could finish off this magnificent triple with such an accomplished conclusion. England can be proud of these three heroes.
First up is @Lucydoux who has rather imaginatively used tea-lights. The idea was to light them in an incandescent display of firepower, but the Sundaypics H&S officer wouldn’t allow it.
Next we have @mezzz, she of the sleepyid, who has used a series of wanted posters of notorious stalkers from around the country.
And the final member of this triumvirate is @mariabarrett with an eclectic selection of toys, all hers I’m sure. Are those Polly Pockets I see in her ‘A’?
Here now are a couple of devotees of the Ransom Note school of art from @kayleigh_james and @de_ingram – their similarity can either be explained by the fact that they are flatmates, or that they are able to read our minds. I REALLY hope it’s the former, cos I don’t want anybody to know what’s rattling about in this squalid little wombat head.
This is a very womanly Sundaypic from @mrsactive, being made as it is from hairgrips and… WTF is that dotting the ‘i’? It’s very tiny…. *whips out magnifier with impressive speed* … it’s an Aston Villa badge. Yes, very feminine.
More food related fun, and a pleasing composition, from Champion Peeler @intruth, who is obviously the David Beckham of the fruit-peeling world. Well done, and nice colours. Bend it like Intruth.
My chum Bill, one of the first people I followed on Twitter, has honoured us with a charming collection of, erm, stuff. He’s all about the stuff is @underbundle.
And dear Flossie – what the hell have you used for your entry? They look like… rabbit droppings? Hang on, I’ll zoom. AHA! Just as I thought! I’m no wiser, so let’s assume they ARE rabbit droppings eh? Ew, @flossietp, ew!
Oh, you got it? You’re quick, you lot. Of course it’s Dawne – or @doodledawne to use her full name. Clever, eh? Let’s have three more quick, before I run out of steam….
On your left, ladies and gentlemen, the legend that is @xkylet shows us his Lego prowess, closely followed by @FBishWife, who worryingly seems to have also written ‘POO’ in mirror writing. Finally, there’s something strange about someone who spells out their name in contact lenses. May I introduce @louwiseman?
See you on Sunday!
Little Mavis’s Little Corner of Educational Delight
The title of this post is taken from W. H. Auden’s quote “Proper names are poetry in the raw. Like all poetry they are untranslatable”. Wystan Hugh Auden (21 February 1907 – 29 September 1973) was an Anglo-American poet, born in England, later an American citizen, regarded by many as one of the greatest writers of the 20th century. His work is noted for its stylistic and technical achievements, its engagement with moral and political issues, and its variety of tone, form and content.
Just thought you’d like to know.
This will be a LONG post. My call for #SUNDAYPICS submissions of photos of Tweeters as kids brought a huge response – be prepared for over 80 tiny tweetlets posing, smiling, and wearing some of the most horrendous outfits known to man. Given there are so many, I’ll comment on three at a time to save wasting paper. Well, screen then. I’ll stick them up in the order they arrived in my Timeline, and some tweeps have more than one. So ner. OK, over to you, History –
Look at that gorgeous cutiepie on the left. That’s @snowgirl1972’s Mum, and she’s cuddling a tiny Helen. And the first in a long line of, erm, “interesting” cardies is modelled by our very own @thatlauraknox. Interesting hair, and a Pear’s Soap look give away the fact that @andromedababe is on the right.
Another @snowgirl1972, this time totally trashing the paintwork on a trendy VW. She did tell me which was her, but it’s been over a week so I can’t bloody remember. She’s not the bloke, I can tell you that. Next, c’est moi! Why do I look Oriental in the middle pic? For yes, it is I, @wombat37 – my God look at all that hair. Groovy tie, though. Over on the right @MediumEmma enjoys a lovely sunny English day. With the obligatory windbreak.
@white76 sent bunches of pics, so I obviously chose one where she’s naked. In the middle, another gloriously sunny day at the seaside for @wombat37 and Dad. Look at me lovely spade. Another fashion disaster follows – lovely jumper.shirt combo from @iamamro.
More @white76 photos – REALLY like that one on the left. Can’t tell which is Shona in the class photo, but the teacher has an abnormally tall head, and yes, that’s Shona Flintstone on the right. Yabba, as they say, Dabba Doo.
How bossy does @hazelblackberry look on the left? No change there then. In the centre, @lucypalmer appears delighted to be doing a seated hokey-cokey. I’m slightly disturbed by the can of Kattomeat next to her. Hope that wasn’t standard baby-food in the Palmer household. On the right @smartie999 looks all windswept and triumphant, like she’s just climbed a mountain. Or a chair, perhaps.
Right, the question we all want @janegoth to answer is what on earth is your brother doing there, back in 1977? @chickenpincess welcomes us all to her Wendy House with a heavy looking pan. And @coradevine indulges in typical teen shenanigans in an early, gas-driven photobooth. Smoking fags – tsk tsk.
Perched on what may be a dead hamster, @lizardsimpkins looks poised to burst into laughter, while @cymraescoch rides the wild dog wearing the best hat ever. Urbane as usual, @underbundle bears his own personal fashion disaster with aplomb. Nice jumper Bill.
More @cymraescoch first – I notice the next door neighbours decided to move as soon as Liz arrived. Next, her future paramour @moschops66 gets ready to destroy a sundial. And then we have, awwww, @GoodBoyBen before he realised he’d have to live with me. Good boy, Ben.
Aha! A triumvirate of @captain_doodle and @antiiiiiii pictures. What IS going on with the wallpaper in the middle photo? I really hope The Doodmeister wears his camouflage outfit on our forthcoming tweetup.
I LOVE @little_mavis’s expression in that pic on the left. She’s obviously delighted to have a dod of bread. Another delighted scoffer is @samaryd, who I imagine has by now got spaghetti in her pants. In the photo, I mean, not nowadays (although you never know). The Duke of Gawk there on the right is @alliterative, who has grown into a fine gentleman and one of my bestest friends who I’ve never met.
That’s @alliterative again, with his sister, and then two pics of the love of his life (and mine, given half a chance) @avensarah, first with her mum (or do they say ‘mom’ in Canada?), and then as the youngest of five female generations of her family. Five! Crikey. When I was born all of mine were dead save me Nan, and she fell off the perch when I was five.
Aw! Look at the charming little @82junglist – don’t you just want to tousle his innocent hair? @OldMotherRiley next, sitting proudly atop an old car at what might well be a junk yard. What a gorgeous smile, eh? Then, just about to be nicked by a blurry rozzer, @ironthighs and cohort plot to undermine the seat of power. Or eat sweeties instead.
Ooh look, bird in a bikini! Sorry, I mean @liam54 – how much mischief does HE look capable of? That’s him again on the horsey ridey thingy. Continuing the horsey ridey thingy theme, we have @quackwriter who is probably listening to Pick of the Pops on that old tranny.
Three early photos of the Sugarbabes now – @kirtle, @jaxbourne and @toffeegirluk. Coincidentally, they also appear to be foreshadowing three of their future hits – “Die, Dolly, Die”, “Pink Rules” and the Christmas Number One “I Can’t Hear You Cos I’ve Got Burgers Or Something On My Ears”.
I really want to know what @xkylet is laughing about in the middle there – surely he’s not amused by @ameadey’s one-piece blue number? He’d be more amused to glance the other way – WTF were @smallcasserole’s parents thinking? I mean – knitted? I dread to think what would happen in the event of the dreaded non-directional explosive poo.
More @ameadey, and at least she’s out of that blue thing. Sadly though: dungarees. In the centre, @looshine not only has a doggy skirt, but also a very handsome doggy chum. And what can I say about @shelley279’s photograph that she won’t hit me for in a few days? Nothing. Certainly there’s nothing at all wrong with THAT haircut. No sir. Very pretty indeed.
Three @flossietp photographs there – in the first she’s giving her Dad a damn good kicking in the stomach, then pretending that butter wouldn’t melt in her mouth, and THEN – what is she dressed as? My best guess – some sort of alien ice cream confection. Nice car, mind.
A couple of @mrmisterman photos – getting a nice brown present from Father Christmas in a Seventies Top Of The Pops studio, and trying on Dad’s (or, Heaven forfend, Mum’s) shoes on the worst carpet in Christendom. Finally, about to be locked in the Naughty Locker is @sen0rb0ng0 – naughty boy.
Three cute little babies – nice hair on @FBishWife, @dustmotes might be blowing smoke, or perhaps it’s the photo, and @jofilm is incredible happy and blonde and apparently hugely tall. Or the photographer was lying down.
The ever-lovely @cornettofairy on the left, looking a bit like she’s just balanced a pail of water atop the classroom door. Sledgemeister @jenksy in the middle on the left, if you see what I mean. And the mighty @julietims, Mistress of us all, on the right. Nice school frock.
@heidivodka yells with fun, or yawns, and by the look of that settee, they had cats. I’m thinking @davidtims and @julietims didn’t really roar off to a life of adventure on the bike, cos look – there they are on the right. I recognise that school frock…
What terribly nice hair, @thom_white – I can see why @snowgirl1972, in her strange blue cardie, fell for your devilish new romantic looks. Over on the right, @darahpez prompts a lovely smile from her protector.
After you’ve done about seventy of these photos, your mind turns into grey blep, and your efforts at humour are as amusing as Hitler with a headache. Please forgive me if I run out of steam on this final stretch. What have we got here? A couple of @lucyhg pics, in one of which she appears to be wearing a bra cup. Also, @jackpot73, looking a bit worried about what that camera might be going to do.
Ah, Rory. Look how neat and tidy your school tie looks in your first picture. But, Mr @hardyduncan, WTF happened by the time the middle photo was taken. Was your hair MEANT to look like that? Is that @edinburghjo with you? And if not, why not? On the right is one of my favourites – I just love the attitude, the outfit, the location and the daffs. Easter outfit, was it @hebbie? Brilliant photo! First prize.
Two photos of @mikeybaer now. In the first he’s wondering what’s going on with the unrealistic camel, and in the second he’s perched on an even more unrealistic camel. With a happy lion. Continuing the drab cardie theme of this post, @intruth displays a fetching little number in brown.
A couple of delightful pictures here from @ontheupbeat – in fact, so delightful, than I shall try to refrain from sarcasm. Nice frocks. On the right – why so miserable, little @janegoth? You have got a new pink panther dangling from your neck. You should be doing that funny walk to that funny music.
A couple of late entries sneaking in from @janegoth – the first with a very lifelike ventriloquist’s dummy, and the second lobbing some bricks about.By Grabthar’s Hammer it’s the last photo, thank heavens! I know that one of these people is @louwiseman, but I’ve lost the note I made telling me which. So she’ll either have to tell me and I’ll alter this later, or we can just assume that they are ALL her.
I’m off for a lie down.
No prizes for guessing what the theme was this week. Now, a whole bunch of you eejits submitted photos of your fridges, so there’s a LOT to get through. I’ll keep the photos small, cos otherwise the bottom of this post will drill down through the earth and may endanger us all by releasing the Silurians. Also, I’ll save the stunning collection of fridge doors that many of you sent for another post. For now, click on a photo if you’re a fridgophile who is desperate to see a larger version.
First up, the prize for Most Minimalist fridge, on the left there, goes to @00spiltmilk00 – although to be fair, the photo was taken just before Christmas. Presumably, it was about to be stocked up. If not, bah humbug and so on. Note the first appearance of Hellmann’s Mayo. You’ll be seeing a LOT of that. Also organic jam. Yum.
On the right, a much better stocked entry from @ajonesie. Her fridge has – look! Two lights! There go your profligate Americans again, using more power than they need just so they can see what’s in that mysterious bag bottom right. Points deducted here for keeping eggs in the fridge. Must do better, Amanda.
Next up, the colourful @intruth shows us his colourful selection of comestibles. He seems to have a strong addiction to peppers. Perhaps it’s a Norfolk thing. Mikado biscuits – nice.
And over on your right, @captain_doodle ‘s eclectic entry. As you might expect from such an individualist, he bucks the Hellmann’s trend by going Tesco Mayo. Oh dearie dear, though – not only does he have eggs in there, he also subjects the poor bananas to the fridge. In a bag! Two words, my captain – banana dangler. (ADDENDUM the bananas are apparently the fault of @shelley279 – I sit on my arse corrected)
Ready for a mad attack of bottlemania? Look at @flossietp ‘s on the left! Do you think it’s all booze? I can’t look away from the eggs (NO!) long enough to look for mayo, so no comment there. The “Plum Chutney October 09” looks tempting, but I hope that’s not a use by date.
The fridge on the right belongs to @gwane and appears to be moving rapidly across the floor. It’s difficult to tell with the motion blur, but I THINK that’s Hellmann’s on the top shelf. There’s also a bottle of Chimay, a rather tasty Belgian beer.
Someone who is not ashamed to thrust out her Hellmann’s for all the world to see is @sarahpez – look at it, blatantly forcing it’s smooth, milky softness into our gaze. And are those individual cheescakes I see? Naughty.
While we’re in a naughty mood, who fancies a bit of @shinytuppence ? I know I always do. Just like her, most of the contents are teasingly wrapped, although I can just make out a bottle of Pimms. Good-time girl, that one. She also posted a photo of her fridge door, packed with strange and exotic body unguents, but you don’t want to see that do you?
“Salad drawers? I don’t need salad drawers! Bloody salad!” is probably what @mallrat_uk says quite often, as she’s chucked hers out to make room for the essential basic foodstuffs of Pepsi, squash, mayo, and what may be a severed arm.
In contrast, @ameadey is keeping one of her salad drawers ready for immediate use should she ever finally lose patience with @binarydad and have at him with the breadknife. Oh God, I’ve just noticed – eggs in the fridge. Tsk and tsk again.
Shelf 1 – ketchup, coffee and lager. Shelf 2 – juice and chocolate, Shelf 3 – mystery meat, Shelf 4 – dairy. That seems to be the fridge philosophy (the Fridgosophy, if you will) of @macjude. And who are we to argue?
It’s about time for some mayo again, isn’t it? But no! See on the right, @ironthighs has eschewed such pretentious nonsense for the giddy delights of salad cream. And this is the second fridge in a row with ketchup in the fridge. Who keeps ketchup in the fridge? Jude and Rachel do, obviously.
Two REALLY well-packed fridges now, and @hardyduncan must have to unpack his entirely if he wants to get at whatever that is at the bottom of the pile with a cucumber perched on top. Perhaps he doesn’t mind, for they have to make their own entertainment in Scotland.
@snowgirl1972‘s fridge is also well-packed, but rather less-inclined to avalanche. I was surprised I couldn’t see any baby food, unless she’s feeding the bairn on Carlsberg. Also, what do you do with Ghee?
Now, @alliterative seems to have seventeen fridges from all the photos he posted. OK, three. One is full of frozen stuff, one is full of booze (hurray!), and the third – the one on the left there – is full of stuff. I spy ketchup again, and a big jar with a yellow label undoubtedly containing something Canadian. Maple syrup at a guess.
As I always surmised, @littlebit_bod is very fruity indeed, and also gives pride of place to her Branston’s Pickle. Fruity and spicy – what a woman.
Which leaves us with just the one fridge left to display. Let’s look closely, over on the left there – well-stocked shelves, fine beers, cheap dogfood, fruit and veg aplenty, NO eggs, NO ketchup, and more yoghurt than you could shake a stick at (if that’s your idea of a good time).
*adopts weird strained voice and unfeasible accent*
Who eats from a fridge like this? Twitter, it’s over to you.