Category Archives: #TWANTA

Twantionary – a Twanta glossary

PhotoFunia-1538557494New to Twanta this year? Having trouble separating your twanta from your twantee? Completed your trifecta yet? Got no bloody idea what I’m talking about? Then this post will save you from social embarrassment akin to leaving the public loos with your skirt tucked into the back of your knickers. As actually happened to me once, but that’s a tale for another time.

Star TWANTA – this word has two meanings. Firstly it is the all-encompassing name for the whole cosy event itself, although usually with the relevant year attached to its arse (eg #TWANTA2018). Secondly, the Twanta is the person sending a gift. It is the Twanta’s own choice whether or not to remain secret.

Star TWANTEE – the person receiving said gift, with a smile and a song and possibly other things beginning with ‘S’.

Star TWANTADOR – general term for anyone taking part, bless their little cotton reindeer socks.

Star TRIFECTA – the magic three milestones achieved by a TWANTADOR who has (1) sent a gift, (2) learned that it has arrived, and (3) received their own.

Star TWUMBUG – a dirty rapscallion who fails to send a gift as promised. Also known as a twat.

Star FAIRY – a good-hearted TWANTADOR who volunteers to step in and provide a gift at short notice for anyone who falls victim to a TWUMBUG.

Star TWANTAVERSE – every bloody thing to do with Twanta. Constantly expanding.

Star EPISTLETOE – a hand-written letter included with the gift to add a virtual Christmas kiss and a personal touch. Not to be confused with camel toe, which is something entirely different.

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Twanta 2018 – the ninth annual Twitter Secret Santa

twanta (2)Pop your chestnuts on an open fire, it’s time for #TWANTA2018 to shove another tree up another fairy’s frock and display its shiny balls for the ninth year in succession. For the uninitiated, those taking part in Twanta send a cheap but fun Christmas gift to someone that I nominate, possibly a complete stranger, and in return they receive a similar pressie from someone else. Hence “Twanta” – TWitter secret sANTA, see? As usual I’ll link you here to the blog post from @davidtims which beautifully sums up the spirit of Twanta.

FOR NOW, JUST TELL ME IF YOU WANT TO TAKE PART so that I can add you to the Master Wallchart here at Twanta Towers.

I’ll give people a few weeks to join, and shortly after that you’ll receive the name of your Twantee, probably around the end of October. Old hands of Twanta will know all the following already, but for any newcomers here’s a summary of how the whole thing works.


SharkStar You must have specifically asked me, and I must have confirmed that you’re taking part before you can join in. I reserve the right to reject anyone that I suspect of being dodgy. Sorry, but I have to be careful due to a slight wobble several years back when some git refused to actually send a present once they’d received theirs.

Star Make sure you follow @twanta2018 on Twitter. He will follow you back (it’s me really, but don’t tell the little tweeters. Let’s not spoil the magic, eh?). DM your address to him so that he can pass it on to your own Secret Twanta when everyone is linked up. I do remember some of your addresses from last year, but once #Twanta2018 is over I will always delete the addresses of those who ask.

GinStar Tell me if there are any mortal enemies that you don’t want to be linked with. We don’t want to be responsible for any “incidents”. You can also make other special requests (e.g. if you’re allergic to chocolate, or perhaps you don’t want to post anything to a different country). We are a benign Twanta, and will accept all reasonable requests.

Star Very occasionally things go awry, and when that happens Twanta Fairies step in to send a gift at short notice. Please also let us know if you would be happy to be a volunteer Fairy, should any be required (though that’s only rarely necessary).

Duck / bookStar Once @twanta2018 has everyone’s address, he’ll DM you to let you know to whom (grammar) you should send a gift, together with the address. You might want to spend a little while researching the recipient’s timeline to find out a little bit about them. Yes, that’s a bit stalkery, but you’ll be able to make your gift more personalised that way.

Star Buy a pressie for your twantee (as the recipients have somehow come to be known) and send it to them. Mark the envelope #TWANTA so they know what it is. Let @twanta2018 know that you’ve posted it (so I can keep track in case anything goes missing). It’s entirely up to you whether you remain anonymous or expose yourself *snigger*.

Space thingiesStar You should not spend a fortune. Small, fun and imaginative is the rule of thumb, but don’t send an actual thumb. That would be hideous. I recommend spending no more than a tenner, though in the end, of course, it’s up to you. The photographs accompanying this post are of some previous gifts, should you need inspiration.

Star When you receive your #TWANTA pressie, again let @twanta2018 know. Challenge yourself to wait until Christmas Eve or Day to open the thing. Harness your willpower, young warrior.

Star When your willpower fails, take a photo of your gift ready to post to Twitter on Christmas Day. Post it then including the hashtag #TWANTAPIX2018, so that we can all follow the fun, and I can collect the pics on a special Pinterest board. Here’s last year’s board.

Have fun, and, if it all goes tits up, remember that it was originally all the idea of that @captain_doodle, and castigate him mercilessly. Not me, oh no, leave me alone.

Twantadors 2017

Image1In case you want to be like Nicola (see right) here are all of 2017’s Twantadors, ready for some Secret Santa fun.

@_inno @_natmo @_polyhymnia @4paris1 @alexbrightsmith @alliterative @ananizapta @anise44 @avensarah @AzzaThePirate @bieredeluxe @bilbobaggins2k @ButMadNNW @bywordandstitch @captain_doodle @cara_erin @carly_whyborn @cdlcreative @cherina82 @chrisridd @ClaireWithAn_I @confusedlinnet @craftsboy @crazyladywriter @cumbrianblondie @davidtims @dawn1968 @dbrereton @debs_brown @doodledawne  @dutch_bitch @ekctafc @evermoreanon @fannyingabout @fisher1946 @fizzandnonsense @flylilypad @gemmajoobjoob @ginlington @greythorne @hollieeeejones @hugeshark @iainlj @jamerz3294 @jaxbourne @joraamn @katobell @kernowbeeching @kimnmilward @kirstyhalton @kirstywarner @kizletwiggle @kjcollard @kophoogte @kykaree @landladycheryl @LauraMullan @leontia2001 @lgh95 @lottacraft @louisehector @LucieMR @LydiaMNicola @magentakoru @maggie_dolores @mallrat_uk @marmotbiscuits @mavisdee @mrmoth @mrsashboroscat @mrssimontemplar @NicolaCubes @nikkisinclair64 @ninjaworrier @nyncompoop @owlbird @phantom_blonde @pricklyemu @purplequeennl @rachamuffin @raevynlunatique @saltwateritch @sarahtregear @sarahv1982 @secretstef @smayman @squeakysays @starlitwolf @stickymitts @sumarumi @Sundayhandbag @superblouse @superkrispydj @taffy3rock @Talking_Spheres @teddy_red @theweeyin15 @underbundle @urberwoot @waterworks_nick @woodpeckergreen @xkylet @zipperdidoodah

Jingly Balls! Twanta 2017 is GO

IMAG1682Jingly balls, jingly balls, jingly up your tree. It’s time for #TWANTA2017 to shove another tree up another fairy’s frock and display his shiny balls for the eighth time. For the uninitiated, it was all @captain_doodle’s idea. There he is on the right, with some eejit or other. Those taking part in Twanta send a cheap but fun gift to someone that I nominate, possibly a complete stranger, and in return they receive a similar pressie from someone else. TWitter secret sANTA, see? As usual I’ll link you to the blog post from @davidtims from a few years ago which beautifully sums up the spirit of Twanta.

FOR NOW, JUST TELL ME IF YOU WANT TO TAKE PART so that I can add you to the Master Wallchart here at Twanta Towers.

I’ll give people a few weeks to join, and you’ll receive the name of your Twantee shortly after that, around the end of October. Old hands of Twanta will know all the following already, but for any newcomers here’s a summary of how the whole thing works.


One of a previous year's impressive gifts.Star You must have specifically asked me, and I must have confirmed that you’re taking part before you can join in. I reserve the right to reject anyone that I suspect of being dodgy. This is due to a slight wobble that happened several years back for two of our lovely twantadors (see below for a glossary of terms).

Star Make sure you follow @twanta2017 on Twitter. He (it’s me really, but don’t tell the little tweeters. Let’s not spoil the magic, eh?) will follow you back. DM your address to him so that he can pass it on to your own Secret Twanta when everyone is paired up. I do remember some of your addresses from last year, but once #Twanta2017 is over I will always delete the addresses of those who ask. If the Twitter Unfollow Bug causes @twanta2017 to unfollow you, let me know so that I can correct that.

One of last year's impressive gifts.Star Tell me if there are any mortal enemies that you don’t want to be paired with. We don’t want to be responsible for any “incidents”. You can also make other special requests (e.g. if you’re allergic to chocolate, or perhaps you don’t want to post anything to a different country). We are a benign Twanta, and will accept all reasonable requests.

Star Very occasionally things go awry, and when that happens Twanta Fairies step in to send a gift at short notice. Please also let us know if you would be happy to be a volunteer Fairy, should any be required (though that’s only rarely necessary).

One of last year's impressive gifts.Star Once @twanta2017 has everyone’s address, he’ll DM you to let you know to whom you should send a gift (grammar), together with their address. You might want to spend a little while researching their timeline to find out a little bit about them. Yes, that’s a bit stalkery, but you’ll be able to make your gift a bit more personalised that way.

Star Buy a pressie for your twantee (as the recipients have somehow come to be known) and send it to them. Mark the envelope #TWANTA so they know what it is. Let @twanta2017 know that you’ve posted it (so I can keep track in case anything goes missing). It’s entirely up to you whether you remain anonymous or expose yourself *snigger*.

One of last year's impressive gifts.Star You do not need to spend a fortune. Small, fun and imaginative is the rule of thumb, but don’t send an actual thumb. That would be hideous. I recommend spending no more than a tenner, though that of course is up to you. The photographs accompanying this post are of some previous gifts, should you need inspiration.

Star When you receive your #TWANTA pressie, again let @twanta2017 know. Challenge yourself to wait until Christmas Eve or Day to open the thing. Harness your willpower, grasshopper.

Star When your willpower fails, take a photo of your gift ready to post to Twitter on Christmas Day. Post it including the hashtag #TWANTAPIX2017 so that we can all follow the fun, and I can collect the pics on a special Pinterest board. Here’s last year’s board.

Have fun, and, if it all goes tits up, remember that it was originally all the idea of that @captain_doodle, and castigate him mercilessly. Not me, oh no, leave me alone.


Twantionary (glossary)

Having trouble separating your twanta from your twantee? Completed your trifecta yet? Got no bloody idea what I’m talking about? Then this section will save you from social embarrassment akin to leaving the Ladies with your skirt tucked into the back of your knickers.

TWANTA – this word has two meanings. Firstly it is the all-encompassing name for the whole cosy event itself, although usually with the relevant year attached to its arse (eg #TWANTA2017). Secondly, the Twanta is the person sending a gift. It is the Twanta’s own choice whether or not to remain secret.

TWANTEE – the person receiving said gift, with a smile and a song and possibly other things beginning with ‘S’.

TWANTADOR – general term for anyone taking part, bless their little cotton reindeer socks.

TRIFECTA – the magic three milestones achieved by a TWANTADOR who has (1) sent a gift, (2) learned that it has arrived, and (3) received their own.

TWUMBUG – a dirty rapscallion who fails to send a gift as promised.

FAIRY – a good-hearted TWANTADOR who volunteers to step in and provide a gift at short notice for anyone who falls victim to a TWUMBUG.

TWANTAVERSE – every bloody thing to do with Twanta. Constantly expanding.

EPISTLETOE – a hand-written letter included with the gift to add a virtual Christmas kiss and a personal touch. Not to be confused with Camel Toe, which is something entirely different.

#Twanta14 Twantadors

nicolax-twantabiscuit-excellentHo de ho, campers. It’s getting near time I started assigning Twantees to people. If you’re in the list below and haven’t already, please DM your address to @twanta2014 (or tell him if it’s the same as last year, if you prefer).

It’d also be a fine opportunity to inform us of any special requirements you might have, such as:

  • Folk to avoid
  • Countries you’d rather post to
  • Whether you have allergies

If you want to take part but aren’t on the list below, there’s still time. If you have no idea what #TWANTA is, this post will spurt all the knowledge you need into your head.

Twantadors confirmed for #TWANTA14

@2you2me2you @alexbrightsmith @alliterative @ananizapta
@AvenSarah @azzathepirate @basdriver @bexagin
@bilbobaggins2k @ByWordAndStich @captain_doodle @Cara_Erin
@cobain_10 @davidtims @doodledawne @doodledawne’s Em
@dbrereton @dutch_bitch @ellieexhibition @ericafairs
@FannyIngAbout @fisher1946 @gingerfig @greythorne
@Grumpy_Mel @Hols1983 @Hugeshark @IainLJ
@jamerz3294 @jayalay @JudgeTread @julieanon
@kirstyhalton @KJCollard @landladycheryl @lardychap
@LEJamez @lilianlouvaine @LizzyWelshCake @LouiseHector
@LucieMR @luggermatt @monbling @MrPeterWood
@MrsActive @MrsAshborosCat @NicolaCubes @nyncompoop
@och23 @Owlbird @pariahsickkid @phantom_blonde
@poorlittlenell @pricklyemu @rachaelkanute @Rachamuffin
@sarahhanner @SarahTregear @SarahV1982 @secretstef
@spiffykates @starlitwolf @sundayhandbag @superblouse
@teddy_red @TheFlossieTP @theweeyin15 @Tsaksonakis
@underbundle @waysidehealer @wombat37 @xx_ItsOnlyMe_xx
       
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