Category Archives: Twanta

SundayPix Special–#SUNDAYPIXtwanta

Twanta ClausIt’s CHRISTMAS! Well, nearly. All of this year’s Twantadors have proved worthy and sent a gift across the miles, often to a complete stranger. As I write this there are just nine presents still in transit, although a few of those might already be safely at their destination, yet unreported. After such a bumhole of a year, this has done my ancient paper-dry heart a world of good. Thank you, you lovely sods.

On Christmas Day (yes it’s on Sunday!) we’ll have a special edition of SundayPix. Post a photograph of your pressie on Twitter using the hashtag #SUNDAYPIXtwanta, and I’ll tell you who sent it. If you don’t want your identity revealed to your Twantee, let me know and you can remain forever a Secret Twanta.

@lgh95's Alfie taking a very strong liking to her presentYou can check the hashtag throughout the day to join in with the seventh year of Twanta’s special blend of comfort and joy. There’ll also be a Pinterest board building up throughout the day, and probably a Twitter Moment if I can work out what the hell that is.

Happy Christmas, everyone x

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#TWANTA2016 twantadors

HHsqVVW1For those who like to disguise their Twantee stalking by following more than one new twantador, or even those who like to make new friends, here’s a list of this year’s participants.

 

@_inno @_polyhymnia @alexbrightsmith @alliterative @ananizapta @anise44 @auldyth @avensarah @AzzaThePirate @bieredeluxe @bilbobaggins2k @bywordandstitch @captain_doodle @cara_erin @carly_whyborn @cdlcreative @chrisridd @confusedlinnet @cumbrianblondie @davidtims @dawbes @dawn1968 @dbrereton @dutch_bitch @ericafairs @evermoreanon @fannyingabout @fisher1946 @fizzandnonsense @gemmajoobjoob @gingerfig @ginlington @gordon_t_miller @greythorne @hols1983 @iainlj @Im_Gggrr @jaxbourne @JustSJP @katobell @kimnmilward @kirstyhalton @kizletwiggle @kjcollard @kykaree @landladycheryl @leontia2001 @lgh95 @louisehector @LucieMR @magentakoru @mallrat_uk @marmotbiscuits @mavisdee @monbling @mrsashboroscat @mrssimontemplar @MsSJH @NicolaCubes @nikkisinclair64 @ninjaworrier @nyncompoop @phantom_blonde @poorlittlenell @pricklyemu @rachamuffin @sarahtregear @sarahv1982 @secretstef @squeakysays @starlitwolf @stickymitts @sumarumi @Sundayhandbag @superkrispydj @taffy3rock @tajasel @tauntongardener @teddy_red @theeastanglian @tjathurman @waysidehealer @woodpeckergreen @xx_ItsOnlyMe_xx

JINGLY BALLS! #Twanta2016 is go.

Doodle and Wombat enjoy last year's Twanta Fancy Dress PartyJingly balls, jingly balls, jingly up your way. It’s time for #TWANTA2016 to shove another tree up another fairy’s frock and display his shiny balls for the seventh time. For the uninitiated, it was all @captain_doodle’s idea. There he is on the right, the sexpot. Those taking part in Twanta send a cheap but fun gift to someone that I nominate, possibly a complete stranger, and in return they receive a similar pressie from someone else. TWitter secret sANTA, see? As usual I’ll link you to the blog post from @davidtims from a few years ago which beautifully sums up the spirit of Twanta.

FOR NOW, JUST TELL ME IF YOU WANT TO TAKE PART so that I can add you to the Master Wallchart here at Twanta Towers. I’ll give people a few weeks to join, and you’ll receive the name of your Twantee shortly after that, deffo before the end of October. Those of you who are old hands will know all this already, but for the sake of completeness here’s a reminder of how the whole thing works.

One of a previous year's impressive gifts.Star You must have specifically asked me, and I must have confirmed that you’re taking part before you can join in. I reserve the right to reject anyone that I suspect of being dodgy. This is an attempt to avoid the slight wobble that happened several years back for two of our lovely twantadors (see below for a glossary of terms).

Star Make sure you follow @twanta2016 on Twitter. He (it’s me really, but don’t tell the little tweeters. Let’s not spoil the magic, eh?) will follow you back. DM your address to him so that he can pass it on to your own Secret Twanta. I do remember some of your addresses from last year, but once #Twanta2016 is over I will always delete the addresses of those who ask. If the Twitter Unfollow Bug has caused @twanta2016 to unfollow you, let me know so that I can correct that.

One of last year's impressive gifts.Star Tell me if there are any mortal enemies that you don’t want to be paired with. We don’t want to be responsible for any “INCIDENTS”. You can also make special requests (e.g. if you’re allergic to chocolate, or perhaps you don’t want to post anything to a different country). We are a benign Santa, and will accept all reasonable requests.

Star Very occasionally things go awry, and when that happens Twanta Fairies step in to send a gift at short notice. Please also let us know if you would be happy to be a volunteer Fairy, should any be required (though that’s not very likely).

One of last year's impressive gifts.Star Once @twanta2016 has everyone’s address, he’ll DM you to let you know for whom you are buying a gift (grammar), together with their address. You might want to spend a little while researching their timeline to find out a little bit about them. Yes, that’s a bit stalkery, but you’ll be able to make your gift a bit more personalised that way.

Star Buy a pressie for your twantee (as the recipients have somehow come to be known) and send it to them. Mark the envelope #TWANTA so they know what it is. Let @twanta2016 know that you’ve posted it (so I can keep track in case anything goes missing). It’s entirely up to you whether to remain anonymous or to expose yourself *snigger*.

One of last year's impressive gifts.Star Do NOT buy hugely expensive pressies (unless you’re buying for me, obv). Small, fun and imaginative is the rule of thumb, but don’t send an actual thumb. That would be hideous. I recommend spending no more than a tenner, though that of course is up to you. The photographs accompanying this post are of some previous gifts, should you need inspiration.

Star When you receive your #TWANTA pressie, again let @twanta2016 know. Challenge yourself to wait until Christmas Eve or Day to open the thing. Harness your willpower, grasshopper.

Star When your willpower fails, take a photo of your gift ready to post on Christmas Day when there will be a special SundayPix theme so that we can all follow the fun. Post the pic on Christmas Day including the hashtag #TWANTA2016 so that we can all follow the fun, and collect the pics on a special Pinterest board.

Have fun, and if it all goes tits up, remember that it was originally all the idea of that @captain_doodle, and castigate him mercilessly, not me oh no leave me alone.

Twantionary

Having trouble separating your twanta from your twantee? Completed your trifecta yet? Got no bloody idea what I’m talking about? Then this section will save you from social embarrassment akin to leaving the Ladies with your skirt tucked into the back of your knickers.

TWANTA – this word has two meanings. Firstly it is the all-encompassing name for the whole cosy event itself, although usually with the relevant year attached to its tail. Secondly, the Twanta is the person sending a gift. It is the Twanta’s own choice whether or not to remain secret.

TWANTEE – the person receiving said gift, with a smile and a song.

TWANTADOR – general term for anyone taking part.

TRIFECTA – the magic three milestones achieved by a Twantador who has (1) sent a gift, (2) learned that it has arrived, and (3) received their own.

TWUMBUG – a dirty rapscallion who fails to send a gift as promised.

FAIRY – a good-hearted TWANTADOR who volunteers to step in and provide a gift at short notice for anyone who falls victim to a TWUMBUG.

TWANTAVERSE – every bloody thing to do with Twanta. Constantly expanding.

EPISTLETOE – a hand-written letter included with the gift to add a virtual Christmas kiss and a personal touch. Not to be confused with Camel Toe, which is something entirely different.

Jingly balls! Time for Twanta2015

Doodle and Wombat enjoy last year's Twanta Fancy Dress PartyJingly balls, jingly balls, jingly all the way. It’s time for #TWANTA2015 to shove a tree up a fairy’s frock and display his shiny balls for the sixth time. For the uninitiated, it was all @captain_doodle’s idea. Those taking part in Twanta send a cheap but fun gift to someone that I nominate, possibly a complete stranger, and in return they receive a similar pressie from someone else. TWitter secret sANTA, see? As usual I’ll link you to the blog post from @davidtims from a few years ago which beautifully sums up the spirit of Twanta.

FOR NOW, TELL ME IF YOU WANT TO TAKE PART so that I can add you to the Master Wallchart here at Twanta Central. I’ll give people a couple of weeks to join. You’ll receive the name of your Twantee shortly after that. While I’m in the States over November the redoubtable @captain_doodle will ensure the smooth running of the whole operation.

Those of you who are old hands will know all this already, but for the sake of completeness here’s a reminder of how the whole thing works.

One of last year's impressive gifts.Star You must have specifically asked me, and I must have confirmed that you’re taking part before you can join in. I reserve the right to reject anyone that I suspect of being dodgy. This is an attempt to avoid the slight wobble that happened several years back for two of our lovely twantadors (see below for a glossary of terms).

Star Make sure you follow @twanta2015. He (it’s me really, but don’t tell the little tweeters. Let’s not spoil the magic, eh?) will follow you back. DM your address to him so that he can pass it on to your own Secret Twanta. We do remember some of your addresses from last year, but did delete all the addresses of those who asked. If the Twitter Unfollow Bug has caused @twanta2015 to unfollow you, let us know so that we can correct that.

One of last year's impressive gifts.Star Tell us if there are any mortal enemies that you don’t want to be paired with. We don’t want to be responsible for any “INCIDENTS”. You can also let us know any special requests (e.g. if you’re allergic to chocolate, or perhaps you don’t want to post anything to a different country). We are a benign Santa, and will accept all reasonable requests.

Star Very occasionally things go awry, and when that happens Twanta Fairies step in to send a gift at short notice. Please also let us know if you would be happy to be a volunteer Fairy, should any be required (though that’s not very likely).

One of last year's impressive gifts.Star Once @twanta2015 has everyone’s address, he’ll DM you to let you know for whom you are buying a gift (grammar), together with their address. You might want to spend a little while researching their timeline to find out a little bit about them. Yes, that’s a bit stalkery, but you’ll be able to make your gift a bit more personalised that way.

Star Buy a pressie for your twantee (as the recipients have somehow come to be known) and send it to them. Mark the envelope #TWANTA so they know what it is. Let @twanta2015 know that you’ve posted it (so we can keep track in case anything goes missing). It’s entirely up to you whether to remain anonymous or to expose yourself.

One of last year's impressive gifts.Star Do NOT buy hugely expensive pressies (unless you’re buying for me, obv). Small, fun and imaginative is the rule of thumb, but don’t send an actual thumb. That would be hideous. I recommend spending no more than a tenner, though that of course is up to you. The photographs accompanying this post are of some previous gifts, should you need inspiration.

Star When you receive your #TWANTA pressie, again let @twanta2015 know. Challenge yourself to wait until Christmas Eve or Day to open the thing. Harness your willpower, grasshopper.

Star When your willpower fails, take a photo of your gift ready to post on Christmas Day or Boxing Day (that’s the day after, US peeps). Include the hashtag #TWANTA2015 so that we can collect all the pics posted and put them on a special Pinterest board.

Have fun, and if it all goes tits up, remember that it was originally all the idea of that @captain_doodle, and castigate him mercilessly, not me oh no leave me alone.

 
An epistletoeTwantionary

Having trouble separating your twanta from your twantee? Completed your trifecta yet? Got no bloody idea what I’m talking about? Then this section will save you from social embarrassment akin to leaving the Ladies with your skirt tucked into the back of your knickers.

Gift with a bow TWANTA – this word has two meanings. Firstly it is the all-encompassing name for the whole cosy event itself, although usually with the relevant year attached to its tail. Secondly, the Twanta is the person sending a gift. It is the Twanta’s own choice whether or not to remain secret.

Gift with a bow TWANTEE – the person receiving said gift, with a smile and a song.

Gift with a bow TWANTADOR – general term for anyone taking part.

Gift with a bow TRIFECTA – the magic three milestones achieved by a Twantador who has (1) sent a gift, (2) learned that it has arrived, and (3) received their own.

Gift with a bow TWUMBUG – a dirty rapscallion who fails to send a gift as promised.

Gift with a bow FAIRY – a good-hearted TWANTADOR who volunteers to step in and provide a gift at short notice for anyone who falls victim to a TWUMBUG.

Gift with a bow TWANTAVERSE – every bloody thing to do with Twanta. Constantly expanding.

Gift with a bow EPISTLETOE – a hand-written letter included with the gift to add a virtual Christmas kiss and a personal touch. Not to be confused with Camel Toe, which is something entirely different.

#Twanta14 Twantadors

nicolax-twantabiscuit-excellentHo de ho, campers. It’s getting near time I started assigning Twantees to people. If you’re in the list below and haven’t already, please DM your address to @twanta2014 (or tell him if it’s the same as last year, if you prefer).

It’d also be a fine opportunity to inform us of any special requirements you might have, such as:

  • Folk to avoid
  • Countries you’d rather post to
  • Whether you have allergies

If you want to take part but aren’t on the list below, there’s still time. If you have no idea what #TWANTA is, this post will spurt all the knowledge you need into your head.

Twantadors confirmed for #TWANTA14

@2you2me2you @alexbrightsmith @alliterative @ananizapta
@AvenSarah @azzathepirate @basdriver @bexagin
@bilbobaggins2k @ByWordAndStich @captain_doodle @Cara_Erin
@cobain_10 @davidtims @doodledawne @doodledawne’s Em
@dbrereton @dutch_bitch @ellieexhibition @ericafairs
@FannyIngAbout @fisher1946 @gingerfig @greythorne
@Grumpy_Mel @Hols1983 @Hugeshark @IainLJ
@jamerz3294 @jayalay @JudgeTread @julieanon
@kirstyhalton @KJCollard @landladycheryl @lardychap
@LEJamez @lilianlouvaine @LizzyWelshCake @LouiseHector
@LucieMR @luggermatt @monbling @MrPeterWood
@MrsActive @MrsAshborosCat @NicolaCubes @nyncompoop
@och23 @Owlbird @pariahsickkid @phantom_blonde
@poorlittlenell @pricklyemu @rachaelkanute @Rachamuffin
@sarahhanner @SarahTregear @SarahV1982 @secretstef
@spiffykates @starlitwolf @sundayhandbag @superblouse
@teddy_red @TheFlossieTP @theweeyin15 @Tsaksonakis
@underbundle @waysidehealer @wombat37 @xx_ItsOnlyMe_xx
       

#TWANTA14 – and so it begins…

twantaJingly balls, jingly balls, jingly all the way. It’s time for #TWANTA14 to shove a tree up a fairy’s frock and display his shiny balls for the fifth time. For the uninitiated, it was all @captain_doodle’s idea. Those taking part in #TWANTA send a cheap but fun gift to someone that I nominate, possibly a complete stranger, and they receive a similar pressie from someone else. TWitter secret sANTA, see? As usual I’ll link you to the blog post from @davidtims five years ago which sums up the feeling of Twanta.

FOR NOW, JUST TELL ME IF YOU WANT TO TAKE PART. You can also make any special requests, such as the avoidance of individuals who might be mortal enemies, or perhaps you do not want to send anything abroad. I am a benign Santa, and will accept all reasonable requests. Here’s a reminder of how it all works.

Star You must have specifically asked me, and I must have confirmed that you’re taking part before you can join in. I reserve the right to reject anyone that I suspect of being dodgy. This is an attempt to avoid the slight wobble that happened a couple of years ago for two of our lovely twantadors. See below for a glossary of terms.

alliterative-heres-a-close-up_thumbStar Make sure you follow @twanta2014. He (it’s me really, but don’t tell the little tweeters. Let’s not spoil the magic, eh?) will follow you back. DM your address to him so that he can pass it on to your own Secret Twanta. I do remember some of your addresses from last year, but obviously I deleted all the addresses of those who asked me so to do. If the Twitter Unfollow Bug has caused @twanta2014 to unfollow you, let me know so that I can correct that.

Star Tell me if there’s anyone taking part that you don’t want to be paired with. I don’t want to be responsible for any “INCIDENTS”.

Star Once I have everyone’s address, I’ll DM you to let you know for whom you are buying a gift (grammar), together with their address. You might want to spend a little while researching their timeline to find out a little bit about them. Yes, that’s a bit stalkery, but you’ll be able to make your gift a bit more personalised that way.

b_wildered-brian-look-at-my-brilliant-_twanta2013-gift-yo-thank-you-x_thumb1Star Buy a pressie for your twantee (as the recipients have somehow come to be known) and send it to them. Mark the envelope #TWANTA so they know what it is. Let @twanta2014 know that you’ve posted it (so I can keep track in case anything goes missing). It’s entirely up to you whether to remain anonymous or to expose yourself.

Star Do NOT buy hugely expensive pressies (unless you’re buying for me, obv). Small, fun and imaginative is the rule of thumb, but don’t send an actual thumb. That would be hideous. I recommend spending no more than a tenner, though that of course is up to you. The photographs accompanying this post are of some previous gifts, should you need inspiration.

Star When you receive your #TWANTA pressie, again let @twanta2014 know. Challenge yourself to wait until Christmas Eve or Day to open the thing. Harness your willpower, grasshopper.

waywardlouStar When your willpower fails, take a photo of your gift ready to post on Christmas Day or Boxing Day (that’s the day after, US peeps). Include the hashtag #TWANTA14 so that I can collect all pics posted. I will (eventually) post a glorious blog celebrating how wonderful you lot are, and revealing (unless you tell me otherwise) who sent you your gift.

If it all goes tits up, remember that it was originally all the idea of that @captain_doodle, and castigate him mercilessly.

luggermatt-thanks-very-much-indeed-to-_twanta2013-i-shall-enjoy-making-it_thumbTwantionary

Having trouble separating your twanta from your twantee? Completed your trifecta yet? Got no bloody idea what I’m talking about? Then this section will save you from social embarrassment akin to leaving the Ladies with your skirt tucked into the back of your knickers.

Gift with a bow TWANTA – this word has two meanings. Firstly it is the all-encompassing name for the whole cosy event itself, although usually with the relevant year attached to its tail. Secondly, the Twanta is the person sending a gift. It is the Twanta’s own choice whether or not to remain secret.

Gift with a bow TWANTEE – the person receiving said gift, with a smile and a song.

Gift with a bow TWANTADOR – general term for anyone taking part. chickenprincess-look-at-my-present-its-best_thumb1

Gift with a bow TRIFECTA – the magic three milestones achieved by a Twantador who has (1) sent a gift, (2) learned that it has arrived, and (3) received their own.

Gift with a bow TWUMBUG – a dirty rapscallion who fails to send a gift as promised (see last year).

Gift with a bow TWATMONGER – see TWUMBUG.

bieredeluxe-captain-america-meets-batman-thanks-to-my-_twanta2013-present-_thumb1Gift with a bow FAIRY – a good-hearted TWANTADOR who volunteers to step in and provide a gift at short notice for anyone who falls victim to a TWUMBUG.

Gift with a bow TWANTAVERSE – every bloody thing to do with Twanta. Constantly expanding.

Gift with a bow EPISTLETOE – a hand-written letter included with the gift (see above) to add a virtual Christmas kiss and a personal touch. Not to be confused with Camel Toe, which is something entirely different.

Twanta 2013, Part Four of Four

Here it is, Twantadors, the final part of your who-gave-what-to-whom mega-blog. Click these links to see PART ONE, PART TWO and PART THREE. Now on with the show!

mrsactive Thank you very much to my Twantador for my fun gifts - breakfast will be much more fun

 

That lively @mrsactive is up first, singing “Thank you very much to my Twantador for my fun gifts – breakfast will be much more fun.” Fun breakfasts courtesy of the drop-dead gorgeous @och23, there.

 

nomdetwume #TWANTA2013 photographic magnetic schadenfreude with my lovely gift from @fluffy1st

 

 

 

 

@nomdetwume claims “#TWANTA2013 photographic magnetic schadenfreude with my lovely gift from @fluffy1st”. I wonder if you could make a filthy rude dirty dirty sentence?

 

noyoucockoff So thoughtful and right for me right down to the ear plugs. Can't wait to try the hot choc and the curry

 

 

“So thoughtful and right for me right down to the ear plugs. Can’t wait to try the hot choc and the curry! The Christmas tree badge LIGHTS UP and has made three or four outings upon my being including one on my nieces. She’s 7, so anything shiny is the height of awesome.” I think @noyoucockoff is pleased. Well sent, @avensarah.

 

nyncompoop loving my book. Farthinghoe - a carefree little laugh after breaking wind in Pilates.

 

 

 

Free sticker, ha! “Loving my book,” laughs* @nyncompoop, “Farthinghoe – a carefree little laugh after breaking wind in Pilates.” The Liff books are splendid – well done @louisehector for sending this one.

*actually she probably didn’t laugh at all while typing that.

 

phantom_blonde My #twanta pressie is brilliant. Thank you! Also thank you to @twanta2013 for organising. #suchfun

 

Ginger beer, OOOOH! It seems as if @phantom_blonde concurs with my reasoned assessment, for she says “My #twanta pressie is brilliant. Thank you! #suchfun.” Nice hashtaggery, there. @mrpeterwood got it spot on with this gift.

 

poorlittlenell Thank you so much to my Twanta for the lovely #Twanta2013. It was full of chocolate coins. They're all gone now,

 

 

“Thank you so much to my Twanta for the lovely #Twanta2013,” meddai’r hyfryd @poorlittlenell, “It was full of chocolate coins. They’re all gone now, and who’s in the #Twanta2013 case now? It’s the Baby Jesus! I’ve also been using it for my jewellery and necessaries.” Nid yw’r rhai geiniogau siocled yn hir. poorlittlenell And who's in the #Twanta2013 case now - it's the Baby Jesus!  I've also been using it for my jewellery and necesA beth yw’ch ‘angenrheidiau’? Hefyd, aw. Edrychwch ar y bach Baby Jeez! Mae’r presennol hyfryd yn dod o @davidtims.

 

prickly_emu

 

 

 

 

Had one of my Welsh episodes, then, sorry it is I am. Who’s up next? Ah, it’s @pricklyemu “WHOOOO! Thank you for all the awesome pricklyemu WHOOOO! Thank you for all the awesome #TWANTA2013 gifts from my lovely #twantador @PariahSickKid71 you're luffly!#TWANTA2013 gifts from my lovely #twantador @PariahSickKid71 you’re luffly!” she says, a little incoherently. She may be drunk on Reese’s Pieces, as I have oft been myself.

 

rachamuffin My lovely #twanta2013 present! Sorry it's taken a while, it's not been empty for long enough to photograph

 

 

 

 

Racha! Racha! Muffin muffin muffin! Yes it’s her, @rachamuffin herself, beautiful of eye and succulent with it*. “My lovely #twanta2013 present! Sorry it’s taken a while, it’s not been empty for long enough to photograph.” Nice choice with the ‘Nerdosaurus’, @hols1983.

*sorry, these little precis get a bit difficult to vary when you’ve done about ninety already and your mind is all spinny.

 

spiffykates

 

 

Now, I know that @spiffykates received a gift, because I have this pic – but I can’t find a photo of the contents anywhere in Twanta’s Sack. In which case, all I can say is, erm, nice use of red pen, @sarahhanner.

 

 

sundayhandbag My lovely #TWANTA13 gift a pretty beautifuly hand-covered in silk notebook

 

 

 

Ah, here’s better, isn’t it? Why, @sundayhandbag, this is beautiful, do you not agree? “ My lovely #TWANTA13 gift is pretty; a beautifully hand-covered-in-silk notebook.” I absolutely agree. Your benefactor with the superlative taste was @waysidehealer, whom, coincidentally, I wouldn’t mind hand covering in silk. Sorry, how completely inappropriate. I’ll be risking my spotless reputation at this rate.

 

superblouse Here's 1 of 2 photos. I'll take a photo of the other gifts latersuperblouse Here's part 2 of my photos. We played guess the chocolate flavour on NYE. Thanks again

 

Hey, @superblouse, what a lovely collection you got, eh? “We played guess the chocolate flavour on NYE. Thanks.” Peach looks dead pleased, too. Great work, @hugeshark.

 

 

I just realized my #Twanta2013 gift didn't have a name. I don't know who to thank for my goodies!

 

 

 

Interesting selection there, @whostolemyzen– who sent them? “I just realized my #Twanta2013 gift didn’t have a name. I don’t know who to thank for my goodies.” Luckily, I do – tis that smasher @luciemr.

 

witchofscience thank you for my #twanta2013 gift. Sorry for being late.Here’s another Twantador whose arse I’ve seen – it’s the lovely @witchofscience, and shush, she’s talking – “Thank you for my #twanta2013 gift. Sorry for being late.” That’s OK, Giz, we don’t mind, because you showed us it eventually Winking smile Your Twanta this year was one of Twitter’s finest, @owlbird.

 

Pics were not posted by @mswaichingliu81, who was sent something wonderful by the wonderful @nyncompoop, or by @starlitwolf whose Twanta was @butmadnnw.

 

 

RainbowA Fairy Tale

Once upon a time, on a remote island far far away* in an exotic land called Delaware, there lived a right bobby dazzler called @PariahSickKid71. Kid was as excited as could be, for this Christmas would bring a special gift from someone unknown. A Twanta gift. Perhaps even a Twanta gift from a Princess of the distant realm of Gallus Gallus Domesticus. But Christmas came, and went, and the postman continued to shake his weary, snow-covered head. Twanta was there none. Kid was sad, and spoke to those assembled thus:

I feel guilty n depressed and like I’m stupid cos I still haven’t gotten a twanta gift. Like I’m a big giant loser. Like it’s all my fault for living on a stupid island that only has mainland post office with one human in it. Called said human. Still no package. I must be the failure for this year’s twanta. Well next year I’ll still do it and send one out. But I will ask if I can be skipped on getting one. Cos I’m kinda tired of getting my feelings hurt. I’m tired of waiting on people and things. I’m just very tired of being failed and being a failure. I wish I could tell the person that I’m sorry they got me. I think I’ll take a few days off here. I’m not doing well with anxiety.

With a sorrowful tear, Kid disappeared from the world, and could not be found. The Spirit of Christmas was sad, and everything was grey, and filled with a deafening silence where there should have been resounding tinkles and laughter and colour and light. The Spirit of Christmas beckoned to his friend with benefits, The Good Fairy Twanta, who sat down and had a Big Think before writing a message across the night sky all spattered with stars. And her Twanta Fairy brother and sisters saw the message, and began to do what Fairies do best. No, not that.

zpariahsickkid71 3 just got overwhelmed

 

Two days later, Kid suddenly popped up out of nowhere, exclaiming “Just got overwhelmed. These came with a merry Christmas card yesterday. Right when I needed it. :)” Even though Kid’s smiley dace had no nose, there was obvious joy in the words. The Twanta Fairies had begun to work their magicks.

 

 

zpariahsickkid71b I got flowers last week from a twanta fairy and this week I got this from my 2nd! Secret twantazpariahsickkid71b - It had a beautiful card with lip gloss and tea!!! I love tea!Some days later, Kid almost sang “Thank you my Twanta Fairy for the flowers. The lilies were mostly closed when they arrived, but now they are open and fresh looking.” As Kid was speaking these words, there was a translucent sparkle in the air and… POOF! A second gift appeared. “I got flowers last week from a Twanta Fairy and now this!” squeaked an excited Kid. “It has a beautiful card with lip gloss and tea!!! I love tea! This card is going next to my happy jar and the beads are going on it.” And Kid smiled with happy.

 

zPariahsickkid71c This one came with a USPS apology in a small plastic bag as the original packaging was utterly destroyedBut the Twanta Fairies weren’t finished yet. Over the next few days more gifts arrived. First came the original gift that had gone missing – “This one came with a USPS apology in a small plastic bag as the original packaging was utterly destroyed. I think it may be my long lost twanta gift. Thanks muchly hope it wasn’t missing too much. I love my new flower hat. Because FLOWER.” And Kid put on the flower hat from @chickenprincess and danced.

zPariahsickkid71d Next was this one and thank you so much...this is so very useful. I'm always needing notebooks

 

 

Next came a collection of remarkable notebooks. “Thank you so much,” said Kid, “This is so very useful. I’m always needing notebooks.” The very first note in the very first notebook was about the happiness that the Fairies had brought.

 

zPariahsickkid71e Last package and definitely not least. Is this one...thank you so so much. So many pretty girly things and CANDY

 

Finally came one package to rule them all. Kid opened it and almost fainted. “Definitely not least denizen of the package universe is this one…thank you so so much. So many pretty girly things and CANDY !”

 

 

zPariahsickkid71e More last package

 

Over the course of the next few weeks, Kid tongued out the cream egg, and was traditionally disappointed by the plastic tat in the Kinder Egg, and generally had a rollicking time and lived happily ever after.

 

 

zPariahsickkid71e More last package 2

 

The moral of this tale, of course, is plain for everyone to see: that the darkest hour is just before the Twanta Fairies appear and show you that wonderful, caring people still exist in this tawdry old world of ours. And that, my children, is worth a fucking mint.

*only far far away from me, obviously.It might be quite close to you.

 

 

Giant thanks to everybody who took part in #TWANTA2013 – it was one of the best ever. In the words of @davidtims this whole experience has added a sparkle to our Christmas at time it was most needed, and it has restored (or perhaps reenergised) my faith in human nature.

Especial thanks to all my Twanta Fairies, whether called on or not, who with their kind hearts ensured that no-one felt left out – @2you2me2you, @ananizapta, @bilbobaggins2k, @bywordandstitch, @cornettofairy, @gemmajoobjoob, @hols1983, @iainlj, @jamerz3294, @louisehector, @nicolacubes, @poorlittlenell, @paulmooreesq, @superblouse, and @waysidehealer.

See you next year.

Twanta 2013, Part Three of Four

Further festive fun and frolic. Click HERE to revisit Part One, and HERE for Part Two.

belmsie Apologies for delay in posting. Here is my #twanta2013 cat hat. Big thank you to my twanta, its purrrfect

 

The Cat in the Hat is first up this in this section. Yup, it’s @belmsie, who unforgivingly puns “Big thank you to my twanta, its purrrfect.” Good present selection from @b_wildered there.

 

 

bexagin My #TWANTA2013 present! I'm having my coffee in it. Thank you @dawbes! It's perfect!

 

 

 

@bexagin says – “My #TWANTA2013 present! I’m having my coffee in it. Thank you @dawbes! It’s perfect!” bexagin A huge, XL thank you to my #TWANTA2013 fairy @jamerz3294, who wanted to be sure my gift wouldn't be too small.After the mug had been in the post for over three weeks, it seemed lost, so a generous Twanta Fairy stepped in, sending a giant shirt. “Huge XL thanks,” said a grateful Bex. The legend says “Normal is just a setting on the dryer”. Then the mug turned up after all. Lucky @bexagin, say I!

 

bilbobaggins2k Thank you #TWANTA, my present was perfect

 

 

Lookit, a Cheese Kit! What’s a Cheese Kit do? I really have no idea. Perhaps @bilbobaggins2k will tell us. First though “Thank you #TWANTA, my present was perfect.” is the message passed on to Twanta @cara_erin.

 

 

 

 

The two pics below are from @butmadnnw, who delightedly jabbers “The pic on the left was my 1st glimpse of my brilliant #twanta2013. I’d’ve been happy with these three. Then I started unfolding it! I wish my Twanta had been here to hear my delighted, awe-filled gasps as I carefully unwrapped the tissue paper. Well chosen, mi twantador! One of my favorite, impossible-to-get-in-US candies & a full set of Whovian stamps! I’ll need a frame!” I can add nothing, save that the sender was the wonderful @littlebit_bod.

butmadnnw This was my 1st glimpse of my brilliant #twanta2013. I'd've been happy w these 3. Then I started unfolding it!

butmadnnw Wish my #twanta2013 had been here to hear my delighted, awe-filled gasps as I carefully unwrapped the tissue paper

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

ByWordAndStitch hannah Oh my goodness @twanta2013! Look what my amazing #twantador sent me.  thank you so much! I love it

 

“Oh my goodness!” is the exclamation from @bywordandstich. I think she was pleased Smile Hannah continues “Look what my amazing #twantador sent me. Thank you so much! I love it.” Crafty work from @little_mavis, for it was she.

 

 

cara_erin So, I got this v cute nail dryer in the post today. Which I think must be my missing

 

 

So, @cara_erin got this “very cute nail dryer” in the post over a fortnight after it had been posted not 100 miles away. Apparently the monkey blows you, or something equally suggestive. Quirky and amusing, courtesy of @kimnmilward. cara_erin Thank you to my secret #twanta2013 fairy for my great gift! Can't wait to give it a go later Since it seemed as though Cara’s gift had gone missing, one of our remarkable Twanta Fairies sprang into action. “Thank you to my secret #twanta2013 fairy for my great gift! Can’t wait to give it a go later,” quoth Cara.

 

cobain_10 aftercobain_10 the mug works and the chocolate was yummyThis mug, apparently, represents the essence of reindeer. @cobain_10 reports that “the mug works and the chocolate was yummy”. Oh I see; a hot drink turns the mug into Rudolph, as the After pic on the right proves. Nice work, @flomineek.

 

 

 

dawbes Thank you so much #TWANTA2013 I know which bit I'm going to bite off first! xx

 

Wine and jelly men with jelly willies. “Thank you so much #TWANTA2013,” says @dawbes, “I know which bit I’m going to bite off first! xx”. Filth. Might have guessed that @belmsie sent them.

 

emmadventures Thank you for my very thoughtful #twanta2013 gift, such a lovely note

 

 

 

@emmadventures pipes up “Thank you for my very thoughtful #twanta2013 gift, such a lovely note.” Click on the picture to read it, Twantafans; considerate giving there, from @2you2me2you.

 

doodledawne's Em This was Emily's #TWANTA2013 gift, thank you so much she was thrilled

 

 

 

Here are the goodies sent to @doodledawne’s 9-year-old Em. Apparently “She was thrilled, thank you so much.” I think I must have a mental age of nine, cos I really like these. @badunderpants was the clever old sausage who sent these.

 

 

ericafairs To my twanteetwantador Your gift is not only useful but made us laugh as well. A Christmas result! Thank you!

 

 

Here’s that packet of pulchritude @ericafairs now. “To my twanteetwantador Your gift is not only useful but made us laugh as well. A Christmas result! Thank you!” It says ‘ideal for broken ribs’ on the box – perfect giftage from @dbrereton.

 

flomineek bella it's so INCREDIBLY thoughtful and appropriate, I remember the tweets these things reference

 

 

 

Heeeeeere’s @flomineek! “It’s so INCREDIBLY thoughtful and appropriate,” says Bella, “I remember the tweets these things reference.” Good stalking then, I’d say. Perhaps @judgetread has had plenty of practice… no, not he. He’s a prefect gentleman.

 

gemmajoobjoob I fear I may have to fight lily for my TWANTA....fab!

 

 

The lovely @alezed sent this present to @gemmajoobjoob, who was a bit chuffed. “I fear I may have to fight Lily for my TWANTA,” she says, “Fab!”. Fab? What are you, back in the Sixties?

 

hunyock My happy #twanta2013 gift! Thank u so very much, secret twantador! xx

 

 

 

“My happy #twanta2013 gift! Thank u so very much, secret twantador! xx” chirrups @hunyock, completely forgetting to spell ‘you’ correctly in the rush to go and make some lists. Your listing Twanta was @MacJude.

 

kimnmilwardShort of a camera, @kimnmilward posted this on New Year’s Eve, which says all it needs to really. Someone who always has amazing ideas, drunk or sober, is sender @superblouse.

 

lardychap BIKE PORN

 

 

“BIKE PORN!” screams @lardychap, as well he might. Not randomly, though, in the middle of a crowded restaurant. Oh no, tis because of his gift. Did these bicycles actually “change the world”, I wonder? @captain_doodle would probably know, cos he sent it.

 

 

little_mavis This was my lovely #Twanta2013 pressy. I will use them next time I have an indulgent bath.

 

 

Here’s the most wonderful woman who ever lived now, @little_mavis. “This was my lovely #Twanta2013 pressy. I will use them next time I have an indulgent bath.” she says, nodding her thanks to Twanta @underbundle.

 

littlebit_bod share the pretty tin. The stamps are all mine though at least until next Christmas

 

Who should scamper in now but that @littlebit_bod? She speaks to us in that sultry voice that we all know so well. “The lovely tin has yummy caramel waffle biscuits in that will help keep my energy up as LJs battle latest cold & then we can share the pretty tin. The stamps are all mine though at least until next Christmas.” Not just any old caramel waffle biscuits, these are yummy caramel waffle biscuits, sent by @dutch_bitch.

 

luciemr THANK YOU

 

 

“THANK YOU,” says @luciemr, keeping it short and sweet, rather like her pastry, although I’m not sure that the shouting is necessary. @starlitwolf puts her fingers in her ears.

 

macjude My actual Twanta took a better photo of my present than I did  RT @bilbobaggins2k

 

 

 

 

Totally spoilt by her Twanta this year by receiving a whole box of treats was @macjude. “My actual Twanta,” she says, “Took a better photo of my present than I did. Thank you x” The better photographer in this case was @bilbobaggins2k.

 

 

mallrat_uk My #TWANTA2013 #twanta present is perfect. An SWFC bear for my unborn son.

 

 

Boooo! Ssssss! Bloody Wednesday wan… whoa, sorry. Got briefly taken over by my Millers inclinations there. I’m under control now, honestly. Piggies fan @mallrat_uk says “My #TWANTA2013 #twanta present is perfect. An SWFC bear for my unborn son.” A very thoughtful gift indeed, from @teddy_red. Up The Millers.

 

 

 

mrpeterwood Warm hat. Jelly Beans. And the worst attempt at a selfie in recorded history'I’m not entirely sure that I’ve got these the right way round, so forgive me if not, but @mrpeterwood was another Twantador whose gift was in doubt for quite some time, and therefore was blessed by a Fairy. I think his original Twanta, mrpeterwood BREAK AFTER THIS Cat proverbs, a journal, lots of cat toys, even more cat awesomeness@whostolemyzen, sent the hat and comestibles. The cat stuff was Fairy-bestowed.

 

 

That’s it for Part Three. The final part will be coming in a day or two.

Twanta 2013, Part Two of Four

More revelations, more fun gifts. If you missed Part One, you can find it here.

 

 

It’s @grumpy_mel up first this time. “My #Twanta2013 Xmas gift,” he witters, “Love it, keep me nice and toasty on cold nights.” Toasty? You mean smothered in butter and burned on the bottom? Actually, let’s not go there. @cha0tic was your benefactor, Mel.

 

_hols1983 My #TWANTA2013 gift. Thank you very much to my mystery twantador. It have me a good laugh. Oh and I LOVE buttons

 

 

Here’s Holly-hol-@hols1983: “My #TWANTA2013 gift. Thank you very much to my mystery twantador. It have me a good laugh. Oh and I LOVE buttons.” Buttons are evil. Except the chocolate ones, they’re OK. Yours came from the delicate hands of @LilianLouvaine.

 

 

Below lie two pictures from @hugeshark. Look”! She has soldier-shaped toast to dip in her egg! That’s dead cool, is that. Well played her Twanta – @doodledawne’s wonderful offspring, Emily._hugeshark Thank you Twanta! Looks like silly fun_hugeshark look! It works!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_iainLJ Thanks a lot for my #TWANTA2013 present. I'm afraid the delicious chocolates didn't last long enough 4 the photo op

 

@iainLJ, as is only polite, says “Thanks a lot for my #TWANTA2013 present. I’m afraid the delicious chocolates didn’t last long enough for the photo.” Is ‘magic snow’ a euphemism for something else? If not, it should be. @rachamuffin did well there.

 

 

_inno tony ta muchly! There was a name on a label, but it's long gone in a wrapping paper mountain

 

“Ta muchly!” pipes up young rapscallion @_inno, “There was a name on a label, but it’s long gone in a wrapping paper mountain.” Then you’ll be pleased to finally discover that your Twanta was @monbling, Tony.

 

_jaxbourne jacqui Perfect! Thank you #TWANTA2013 x x Merry Xmas

 

 

Hey look, it’s @jaxbourne! “Perfect! Thank you #TWANTA2013 x x Merry Xmas” says Jacqui to her Twanta Santa @doodledawne.

 

 

_judgetread dave An absolutely brilliantperfect #twanta2013 present from @WitchOfScience! Very very me!

 

 

 

Nice socks, @judgetread – what do you think of them? “An absolutely brilliant/perfect #twanta2013 present from @WitchOfScience! Very very me!”. Huzzah! So glad you like them. Your Twanta was – oh, you already know.

 

_kirstyhalton Thank you and Nadolig Llawen @FannyIngabout ! It's beautiful

 

 

@kirstyhalton already knows who her Twanta is, too, cos listen – “Thank you and Nadolig Llawen @FannyIngabout ! It’s beautiful.” And you know what, she’s not wrong. It is a beautiful thing.

 

_kjcollard I got beautiful smells from my #twanta2013!!!!!!! Thank you sweet unknown person!!

 

 

 

Aha! Here’s someone still in the dark – “I got beautiful smells from my #twanta2013!!!!!!!” says @kjcollard, “Thank you sweet unknown person!!”. ‘Sweet’ is right, as your Twanta was the fragrant @niffer62.

 

 

_leontia2001 Thanks to Twanta for my Sully onesie, not modelling it cos I'm saving wearing it for the bedroom. Rawrrrr

 

 

If you get a onesie as a present, you HAVE to model it for Twanta. It’s the LAW. Flagrantly flouting the law here is @leontia2001, who pathetically offers “Thanks to Twanta for my Sully onesie, not modelling it cos I’m saving wearing it for the bedroom. Rawrrrr.” I imagine Twanta @jaxbourne will be terribly disappointed. Not to mention me.

 

 

_lilianlouvaine lil I am a very lucky girl - look what I got from #twanta2013! Thank you Twanta

 

Hey, it’s another Simon’s Cat book! Also The Broons, which I used to read centuries ago. The fortunate recipient of these goodies is @lilianlouvaine, who gushes “I am a very lucky girl – look what I got from #twanta2013! Thank you Twanta.” And that Twanta was none but @_inno.

 

 

_louisehector Thank you very much to my wonderful #Twanta2013. What a great present.

 

 

Here’s a huge pile, received by @louisehector. “Thank you very much to my wonderful #Twanta2013,” she says, “What a great present.” A great present from the great @grumpy_mel.

 

 

_luggermatt Thanks very much indeed to #TWANTA2013. I shall enjoy making it

 

Whoa, here’s a cracker! Lucky old @luggermatt! “Thanks very much indeed to #TWANTA2013. I shall enjoy making it,” he babbles, overcome with wild exceitement. I expect he’ll even explode when he discovers that it was sent by @paulmooreesq.

 

_matcochr Thank you, #TWANTA2013

 

 

Laconic @matcochr restricts himself to a brief though heartfelt “Thank you” for this eye-catchingly stylish mug, sent by the eye-catchingly stylish @spiffykates.

 

_monbling monica My #twanta gift, I wish we had smellatwitter as it's yummy!

 

 

 

 

@monbling says “My #twanta gift, I wish we had smellatwitter as it’s yummy!”. Now, I read her quote before I looked at the photo that accompanied it, and I must apologise to Monica for the mental image that flashed into my mind. I should have remembered that @sundayhandbag, her Twanta, is always classy.

 

_mrsashboroscat #TWANTA2013 such an awesome gift! There was also 2 postcards in it.  thank you so much KJCollard

 

Wor Jen says “#TWANTA2013 such an awesome gift! There was also 2 postcards in it.  thank you so much @KJCollard.” Yes, not only does @mrsashboroscat now possess a fine collection of STUFF, she also knows who sent it.

 

_nicolacubes I couldn't be more delighted with my #twanta gift. Thank you so much x #happy memories #twanta2013 #BiscuitWorldCup

 

 

“I couldn’t be more delighted with my #twanta gift,” says that gannet @nicolacubes. “Thank you so much x #happy memories #twanta2013 #BiscuitWorldCup.” Ah yes, the Biscuit World Cup – who can forget it? What the hell won it again? Perhaps @alexbrightsmith knows, since she sent the things.

 

_nicolax Twantabiscuit! Excellent

 

 

 

Maintaining the biscuit theme (and what finer theme to maintain?) is @nicolax with her “Twantabiscuit! Excellent!” I expect it’s all gone now, poor biscuit. @breadesign sent the delicious comestible to its doom.

 

_niffer62 jenny Thank you for my lovely Christmas gifts #twanta2013

 

 

Big smiles from @niffer62 as she discovers a wee collection of pleasing objects sent by @mrsashboroscat. I’m quite pleased, with no real reason, that the Twanta computer put a pair of Jennies together. Uh-oh, mind now straying into murky waters… move on quickly, Wombat.

 

_och23 fiona  thank you twanta,  you said it lacked inspiration but you may know me better than you think

 

 

 

See all the goodies arrayed here! Envy @och23, the recipient, although not the probable effect on her waistline. Fiona says “Thank you Twanta, you said it lacked inspiration but you may know me better than you think.” Well played @iainlj, I say.

 

_owlbird sue Look at my fabulous #Twanta2013 gift - I love it!! Thank you SO much

 

 

 

@owlbird is in a domineering mood. “Look at my fabulous #Twanta2013 gift!” she commands, with irresistible authority. And look we do, and go OOOH at “Knit your own Scotland”. Who wouldn’t want to do that? Sue does: “I love it!!”, she says, “Thank you SO much.” @poorlittlenell is the recipient of those thanks.

 

_paulmooreesq Thank you to my #twanta for my present!  It's ace! Such a lot of thought went into it!  Have a great Christmas

 

 

A lot of thought went into @paulmooreesq’s gift, as he himself remarks approvingly. “It’s ace!” is his estimation. Thinking hard about this gift was the admirable @Leontia2001.

 

_sarahhanner Thank you #twanta2013 it smells delicious ! And thank you @twanta2013 for the whole thing, brilliant X

 

 

 

It’s tea-time for @sarahhanner, the lucky thing. “Thank you #twanta2013, it smells delicious!” she says, “And thank you @twanta2013 for the whole thing, brilliant X”. You’re welcome, Sunshine, you’re all welcome. @ericafairs it was who bestowed the gift of tea upon you.

 

_secretstef Thank you #Twanta for my pretty scarf with little Twittery birds on. I wear scarves all the time

 

 

Here’s @secretstef, another happy Twantee – “Thank you #Twanta for my pretty scarf with little Twittery birds on. I wear scarves all the time.” All the time? Even in the bath then, I imagine. Stylish. @phantom_blonde was the Twanta who originally prompted this unexpected image by sending that fine scarf.

 

_teddy_red julia Thank you to whoever sent my present

 

 

 

Swavesey? Where’s Swavesey? Only @lardychap knows, the sender of this fine gift. Oh wait, Google Maps will know too, hang on… it’s near Cambridge. Oh, and the 2,480 people who live there will know too. Maybe Gareth is one of them. The village motto is “Steadfast in work and play”, words which renowned flibbertigibbet @teddy_red, the recipient, would do well to heed.

 

_theflossietp How lovely! Thanks for the gift Twantee, or is it Twantor Quite lovely, whatever you are

 

Look, it’s a little Twitter bird. I assume, anyway. It’s extremely pretty, even if it’s just meant to be a random sparrow. @theflossietp is pleased, at any rate. “How lovely!” she purrs, “Thanks for the gift Twantee, or is it Twantor? Quite lovely, whatever you are.” Your TWANTA, dear Floss, was @secretstef.

 

_underbundle bill Thanks #Twanta! Brilliant

 

 

 

That fine gentleman @underbundle received games, and a catapult. Remarkable presents, perfect in every way. Whoever sent those is certainly refined, perspicacious, and delightfully lovely in every way. Oh alright, it was me.

 

_wombat37 Thanks Twanta! That's perfect xxx

 

And since I’ve brought me up, we’ll stick with me shall we? Me me me me me. I received a rather wonderful set of pencils and a personalised notebook, which is even now being used as an aide memoire for future writing ideas. Thank you @mallrat_uk, they are perfect.

 

2you2me2you ann look at my Twanta .... I love it

 

 

 

Ann, @2you2me2you, is another with a small collection of gifts. But these are Dutch, and include HAGELSLAG – get them in your bread! These delights courtesy of @amwii.

 

addison_crow Gorgeous pen and parchment paper  thank you mysterious gifter x

 

I like how @addison_crow has included a thank you in the photograph – good thinking, there. “Gorgeous pen and parchment paper; thank you mysterious gifter x” I shudder slightly at the use of ‘gifter’ rather than ‘giver’, but let it slide, Wombie, let it slide. Your ‘gifter’, by the way, was the splendid @hunyock.

 

 

 

aimee_red I cannot post pictures due. To country internet connection. #twanta2013 I loved my vegan chocs and mrsa bug x perfect gifts thank you x

Here’s a message from @aimeered, which speaks for itself, and is directed to her Twanta, @ByWordAndStitch.

 

alexbrightsmith  thank you #twanta, they're perfect (though I may have to fight Ben for the fudge)

 

@alexbrightsmith pipes up from behind the wainscote – “Belated thanks to #twanta for exceptionally skilled stalking in the face of my almost complete absence in November. Thank you #twanta, they’re perfect (though I may have to fight Ben for the fudge).” Mmmmm fudge. That @TheFlossieTP always did have superlative taste.

 

alliterative An amazing t-shirt based on my blog! Thank you, you lovely secret #Twanta2013 person! A very special gift indeed.alliterative Here's a close up“An amazing t-shirt based on my blog!” splutters an obviously appreciative @alliterative, “Thank you, you lovely secret #Twanta2013 person! A very special gift indeed.” Lovely secret @mrsactive was the woman behind it.

 

 

avensarah BREAK AFTER THIS That’s a pair of Xmas socks, a Treacle Tart Pudding Bar, saffron from Spain & a recipe for Cornish Saffron Cake & a Roman coin@avensarah, who was away for Christmas, couldn’t open her pressie until a few days afterwards, at which point she reported “OMG!! My Twanta must have been so impatient, waiting for me to open this! It’s amazing. That’s a pair of Xmas socks, a Treacle Tart Pudding Bar, saffron from Spain & a recipe for Cornish Saffron Cake & a Roman coin. Thank you so much to my Twanta, it’s an amazing gift, thoughtful & fun & perfect for me! I can’t wait to find out who you are.” Now it can be revealed that your thoughtful benefactor was @NicolaX.

_waysidehealer nicki Ohhhh nice #TWANTA2013  gift! Thank you @twanta2013 for organisingAnd now a little poem-

White tea and Raspberree,

All joy they give to me,

Twanta sent to her Twantee

Something that will make her wee

Turn pink.

Just about the perfect present, I think, sent by @NicolaCubes to @waysidehealer. A right pair of sexpots, those two.

 

That’s all for now, Twantadors – look for Part Three coming soon.

Twanta 2013, Part One of Four

Be prepared – when you join it up, this is a BIG post, since so many of you took part in #Twanta2013. I’ve split it into four parts, so as not to keep everyone waiting for ages. It’s not entirely alphabetical, so if your Twitter id begins with an ‘A’ and you’re not here, fret not. You’ll be in Part Two. Or Three. Or maybe Four. This year’s Twanta all went BRILLIANTLY, you gorgeous little sexpots. Thank you, each and every one. Now, on with the show. As usual, click to see a larger pic.

 

First up is @37ellie, who says “Thank you very much for my #twanta2013 prezzie whoever sent it – love it.” Now I happen to know that Ellie has never heard of Simon’s Cat – she’s in for a real treat, courtesy of her #Twanta @cobain_10.

 

_alezed BEES! THANK YOU

 

 

Here’s @alezed’s gift, to which she responds “BEES! THANK YOU!” She’s observant, that one. @denisenuttall buzzed those to you, honey (see what I did there?)

 

_amwii Lovely piece of Canada to start Christmas with! Thank you #TWANTA2013 x

 

@amwii shows us her… what is that? *peers* Oh, it’s some maple-flavoured eatings, and a gorgeous keyring, and stuff. “A  Lovely piece of Canada to start Christmas with! Thank you” she says, aiming her gratitude directly at that stalwart chap @alliterative.

 

 

 

_ananizapta Here's my New Year project, @twanta2013 - growing my own pizza  And my twantee looks happy #TWANTA2013 genius!

ananizapta my first pizza has grown!  Thanks to my twanta

 

@ananizapta now – “Here’s my New Year project, growing my own pizza”. And she also posted a pic of said pizza a few days later, thankfully. An interesting gift from @flylilypad. I’m still completely bewildered.

 

 

_b_wildered Brian Look at my brilliant #TWANTA2013 gift, yo. Thank you x

 

 

As is @b_wildered, the recipient of this next gift, which is perhaps the one that I covet the most. Only not with his name on it, obv. Excellent stalking, @kirstyhalton – the perfect pressie.

 

 

_badunderpants rob Thank you so much to my awesome Twanta benefactor! I will enjoy. (Still working on the riddle.)

 

 

Rob’s underpants are bad, and he says “Thank you so much to my awesome Twanta benefactor! I will enjoy. (Still working on the riddle.)” There’s a riddle, @badunderpants? Perhaps @nomdetwume, your benefactor, can help.

 

_bieredeluxe in the box was a present for me, BatBaby, BatFink (the dog) and chocs for the kids - thank you

 

Old @bieredeluxe says “As it’s now officially Christmas Day I’ve opened my #Twanta2013 present! OMG – my secret Twanta is amazing. In the box was a present for me, BatBaby, BatFink (the dog) and chocs for the kids – thank you.” Those thanks should be directed to @ananizapta, who OH LOOK, JELLY BOOBS!

 

 

_bieredeluxe If there was any doubt that @bieredeluxe loves his #twanta2013 gift_bieredeluxe Captain America meets Batman - thanks to my #Twanta2013 present

 

 

 

As a bonus, here’s a couple of pics of that mask in thrilling action:

 

 

 

 

_breadesign From the good ol' USofA! (But I'm not going to open till at least 9am West Coast time)Here’s Mister @breadesign with a large collection “from the good ol’ USofA!” He also says “I’m not going to open till at least 9am West Coast time” and then he does, to reveal – TA DA! – you’ll need to click to see the bigger pic. _breadesign Secret @twanta2013 - nearly 5500 miles - bloody brilliant... thank you“Nearly 5500 miles – bloody brilliant… thank you,” he says to @bexagin.

 

 

 

_butmadnnw My poor planning & busyness meant @starlitwolf didn't have a #twanta2013 to open this AM. But here's a teaser

 

 

Here on the left is @starlitwolf’s pic – but posted by @butmadnnw, who says “My poor planning & busyness meant @starlitwolf didn’t have a #twanta2013 to open this AM. But here’s a teaser.” I’ll blog the completed gift in Part Two, I imagine.

 

_captain_doodle Thanks, #twanta2013, whoever you are. Amazing bumper haul of goodies

 

The man whose inspiration actually gave us Twanta, @captain_doodle, says “Thanks, #twanta2013, whoever you are. Amazing bumper haul of goodies,” then adds “_captain_doodle Ooh, this as well. Photo 2. Forgot it from the main pic. Thanks again,Ooh, this as well. Photo 2. Forgot it from the main pic. Thanks again.” I’d say that’s a humungous haul, all courtesy of @PricklyEmu.

 

_cha)tic WOW! Thank you #Twanta2013 Guess what I'll be drinking my tea out of next time I listen to #TheArchers

 

Next up, another mug – it’s @cha0tic, enthusing “WOW! Thank you #Twanta2013. Guess what I’ll be drinking my tea out of next time I listen to #TheArchers!” Getting your lips around Lynda Snell, eh? The cleverclogs who aptly matched present to recipient was @aimee_red.

 

_chickenprincess LOOK AT MY PRESENT IT'S BEST

 

 

 

“LOOK AT MY PRESENT IT’S BEST!” squeals @chickenprincess, because she’s a fucking nurse. That’s the best kind of nurse, in my humble opinion, so YAY for @greythorne, whose brilliant idea this was.

 

_davidtims My #twanta2013 gift in all its glory. My twanta clearly has the measure of me!! Thank you

 

 

“My #twanta2013 gift in all its glory. My twanta clearly has the measure of me!! Thank you.” Lets all try not to go to a mental image of @davidtims being measured… oh bugger, too late. @NoYOUcockoff was his generous benefactor this year.

 

_dbrereton My timeline reveal me. Excellent present from my twantor, beer, not just beer but IPA too! Thanks so much

 

“My timeline reveal me,” quoth @dbrereton, “Excellent present from my twantor, beer, not just beer but IPA too! Thanks so much.” Feeding his inner sot was @bieredeluxe, appropriately.

 

 

_denisenuttall Thank you Twanta for my gifts and good wishes they're lovely, can't wait to try out some new recipes

 

 

Here’s lovely @denisenuttall going “Thank you Twanta for my gifts and good wishes they’re lovely, can’t wait to try out some new recipes.” Fish are friends, not food. A lovely present from the lovely @gemmajoobjoob. Everything’s lovely.

 

_doodledawne My #TWANTA2013 gift, thank you to my lovely Twanta and to @twanta2013 for organising it all xx

 

 

 

Queen of my heart @doodledawne says “My #TWANTA2013 gift, thank you to my lovely Twanta and to @twanta2013 for organising it all xx.” You’re all welcome. This is the tedious bit, now, putting the numerous pics up and writing about them. Much better than a dry old list, though. Oh, this pressie was sent by @37ellie.

 

 

doodledawne's Em This was Emily's #TWANTA2013 gift, thank you so much she was thrilled

 

 

While we’re in @doodledawne’s company, her wonderful daughter Em took part this year. These were Em’s gifts, with which “she was thrilled, thank you so much.” Well played @badunderpants, who sent them.

 

 

_dutch_bitch

 

 

 

Who’s this cheerful bugger now, all bright and breezy? “Morning! Merry Christmas and THANK YOU to my Secret Twanta. I just loveeee my gift! Tea anyone?”. Actually, @dutch_bitch, yeah – I will have some tea. Make one for @luggermatt too, since he was your gift giver.

 

_fannyingabout janey If I only have one glass of alcohol today, it will be in my fab new glass. Thanks lovely #TWANTA2013 person!

 

 

“If I only have one glass of alcohol today,” says @fannyingabout, “It will be in my fab new glass. Thanks lovely #TWANTA2013 person!” That lovely #TWANTA2013 person, Janey, is none other than @mswaichingliu81.

 

_fluffy1st Amy thank you to my #TWANTA2013 for the wooden owl kit and tree decoration...love them! Merry Christmas

 

 

 

Amy says “Thank you to my #TWANTA2013 for the wooden owl kit and tree decoration…love them! Merry Christmas!” Same to you, @fluffy1st – erm, for next year anyway. The owl was sent by @matcochr.

 

_flylilypad vicki This is just perfect! Thank you, #twanta2013. Another couple of bloody marys and I'll give it a go

 

 

 

Yoga for Chickens! WTF? Still, @flylilypad seems pleased; “This is just perfect! Thank you, #twanta2013. Another couple of bloody marys and I’ll give it a go.” Well played, @addison_crow, well played.

 

 

_greythorne julie Thank you to my Twanta for a lovely Simon’s Cat mug. Bone china, with mouses. Top research

 

 

More Simon’s Cat! @greythorne says “Thank you to my Twanta for a lovely Simon’s Cat mug. Bone china, with mouses. Top research”. And therein lies the secret – research. Well researched, @emmadventures.

 

 

We’ll take a break here, cos everybody knows size matters and you’d be put off if it was too long. That goes for blog posts too. Back shortly with Part Two.

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