Category Archives: Twanta

Twantadors 2017

Image1In case you want to be like Nicola (see right) here are all of 2017’s Twantadors, ready for some Secret Santa fun.

@_inno @_natmo @_polyhymnia @4paris1 @alexbrightsmith @alliterative @ananizapta @anise44 @avensarah @AzzaThePirate @bieredeluxe @bilbobaggins2k @ButMadNNW @bywordandstitch @captain_doodle @cara_erin @carly_whyborn @cdlcreative @cherina82 @chrisridd @ClaireWithAn_I @confusedlinnet @craftsboy @crazyladywriter @cumbrianblondie @davidtims @dawn1968 @dbrereton @debs_brown @doodledawne  @dutch_bitch @ekctafc @evermoreanon @fannyingabout @fisher1946 @fizzandnonsense @flylilypad @gemmajoobjoob @ginlington @greythorne @hollieeeejones @hugeshark @iainlj @jamerz3294 @jaxbourne @joraamn @katobell @kernowbeeching @kimnmilward @kirstyhalton @kirstywarner @kizletwiggle @kjcollard @kophoogte @kykaree @landladycheryl @LauraMullan @leontia2001 @lgh95 @lottacraft @louisehector @LucieMR @LydiaMNicola @magentakoru @maggie_dolores @mallrat_uk @marmotbiscuits @mavisdee @mrmoth @mrsashboroscat @mrssimontemplar @NicolaCubes @nikkisinclair64 @ninjaworrier @nyncompoop @owlbird @phantom_blonde @pricklyemu @purplequeennl @rachamuffin @raevynlunatique @saltwateritch @sarahtregear @sarahv1982 @secretstef @smayman @squeakysays @starlitwolf @stickymitts @sumarumi @Sundayhandbag @superblouse @superkrispydj @taffy3rock @Talking_Spheres @teddy_red @theweeyin15 @underbundle @urberwoot @waterworks_nick @woodpeckergreen @xkylet @zipperdidoodah

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Jingly Balls! Twanta 2017 is GO

IMAG1682Jingly balls, jingly balls, jingly up your tree. It’s time for #TWANTA2017 to shove another tree up another fairy’s frock and display his shiny balls for the eighth time. For the uninitiated, it was all @captain_doodle’s idea. There he is on the right, with some eejit or other. Those taking part in Twanta send a cheap but fun gift to someone that I nominate, possibly a complete stranger, and in return they receive a similar pressie from someone else. TWitter secret sANTA, see? As usual I’ll link you to the blog post from @davidtims from a few years ago which beautifully sums up the spirit of Twanta.

FOR NOW, JUST TELL ME IF YOU WANT TO TAKE PART so that I can add you to the Master Wallchart here at Twanta Towers.

I’ll give people a few weeks to join, and you’ll receive the name of your Twantee shortly after that, around the end of October. Old hands of Twanta will know all the following already, but for any newcomers here’s a summary of how the whole thing works.


One of a previous year's impressive gifts.Star You must have specifically asked me, and I must have confirmed that you’re taking part before you can join in. I reserve the right to reject anyone that I suspect of being dodgy. This is due to a slight wobble that happened several years back for two of our lovely twantadors (see below for a glossary of terms).

Star Make sure you follow @twanta2017 on Twitter. He (it’s me really, but don’t tell the little tweeters. Let’s not spoil the magic, eh?) will follow you back. DM your address to him so that he can pass it on to your own Secret Twanta when everyone is paired up. I do remember some of your addresses from last year, but once #Twanta2017 is over I will always delete the addresses of those who ask. If the Twitter Unfollow Bug causes @twanta2017 to unfollow you, let me know so that I can correct that.

One of last year's impressive gifts.Star Tell me if there are any mortal enemies that you don’t want to be paired with. We don’t want to be responsible for any “incidents”. You can also make other special requests (e.g. if you’re allergic to chocolate, or perhaps you don’t want to post anything to a different country). We are a benign Twanta, and will accept all reasonable requests.

Star Very occasionally things go awry, and when that happens Twanta Fairies step in to send a gift at short notice. Please also let us know if you would be happy to be a volunteer Fairy, should any be required (though that’s only rarely necessary).

One of last year's impressive gifts.Star Once @twanta2017 has everyone’s address, he’ll DM you to let you know to whom you should send a gift (grammar), together with their address. You might want to spend a little while researching their timeline to find out a little bit about them. Yes, that’s a bit stalkery, but you’ll be able to make your gift a bit more personalised that way.

Star Buy a pressie for your twantee (as the recipients have somehow come to be known) and send it to them. Mark the envelope #TWANTA so they know what it is. Let @twanta2017 know that you’ve posted it (so I can keep track in case anything goes missing). It’s entirely up to you whether you remain anonymous or expose yourself *snigger*.

One of last year's impressive gifts.Star You do not need to spend a fortune. Small, fun and imaginative is the rule of thumb, but don’t send an actual thumb. That would be hideous. I recommend spending no more than a tenner, though that of course is up to you. The photographs accompanying this post are of some previous gifts, should you need inspiration.

Star When you receive your #TWANTA pressie, again let @twanta2017 know. Challenge yourself to wait until Christmas Eve or Day to open the thing. Harness your willpower, grasshopper.

Star When your willpower fails, take a photo of your gift ready to post to Twitter on Christmas Day. Post it including the hashtag #TWANTAPIX2017 so that we can all follow the fun, and I can collect the pics on a special Pinterest board. Here’s last year’s board.

Have fun, and, if it all goes tits up, remember that it was originally all the idea of that @captain_doodle, and castigate him mercilessly. Not me, oh no, leave me alone.


Twantionary (glossary)

Having trouble separating your twanta from your twantee? Completed your trifecta yet? Got no bloody idea what I’m talking about? Then this section will save you from social embarrassment akin to leaving the Ladies with your skirt tucked into the back of your knickers.

TWANTA – this word has two meanings. Firstly it is the all-encompassing name for the whole cosy event itself, although usually with the relevant year attached to its arse (eg #TWANTA2017). Secondly, the Twanta is the person sending a gift. It is the Twanta’s own choice whether or not to remain secret.

TWANTEE – the person receiving said gift, with a smile and a song and possibly other things beginning with ‘S’.

TWANTADOR – general term for anyone taking part, bless their little cotton reindeer socks.

TRIFECTA – the magic three milestones achieved by a TWANTADOR who has (1) sent a gift, (2) learned that it has arrived, and (3) received their own.

TWUMBUG – a dirty rapscallion who fails to send a gift as promised.

FAIRY – a good-hearted TWANTADOR who volunteers to step in and provide a gift at short notice for anyone who falls victim to a TWUMBUG.

TWANTAVERSE – every bloody thing to do with Twanta. Constantly expanding.

EPISTLETOE – a hand-written letter included with the gift to add a virtual Christmas kiss and a personal touch. Not to be confused with Camel Toe, which is something entirely different.

SundayPix Special–#SUNDAYPIXtwanta

Twanta ClausIt’s CHRISTMAS! Well, nearly. All of this year’s Twantadors have proved worthy and sent a gift across the miles, often to a complete stranger. As I write this there are just nine presents still in transit, although a few of those might already be safely at their destination, yet unreported. After such a bumhole of a year, this has done my ancient paper-dry heart a world of good. Thank you, you lovely sods.

On Christmas Day (yes it’s on Sunday!) we’ll have a special edition of SundayPix. Post a photograph of your pressie on Twitter using the hashtag #SUNDAYPIXtwanta, and I’ll tell you who sent it. If you don’t want your identity revealed to your Twantee, let me know and you can remain forever a Secret Twanta.

@lgh95's Alfie taking a very strong liking to her presentYou can check the hashtag throughout the day to join in with the seventh year of Twanta’s special blend of comfort and joy. There’ll also be a Pinterest board building up throughout the day, and probably a Twitter Moment if I can work out what the hell that is.

Happy Christmas, everyone x

#TWANTA2016 twantadors

HHsqVVW1For those who like to disguise their Twantee stalking by following more than one new twantador, or even those who like to make new friends, here’s a list of this year’s participants.

 

@_inno @_polyhymnia @alexbrightsmith @alliterative @ananizapta @anise44 @auldyth @avensarah @AzzaThePirate @bieredeluxe @bilbobaggins2k @bywordandstitch @captain_doodle @cara_erin @carly_whyborn @cdlcreative @chrisridd @confusedlinnet @cumbrianblondie @davidtims @dawbes @dawn1968 @dbrereton @dutch_bitch @ericafairs @evermoreanon @fannyingabout @fisher1946 @fizzandnonsense @gemmajoobjoob @gingerfig @ginlington @gordon_t_miller @greythorne @hols1983 @iainlj @Im_Gggrr @jaxbourne @JustSJP @katobell @kimnmilward @kirstyhalton @kizletwiggle @kjcollard @kykaree @landladycheryl @leontia2001 @lgh95 @louisehector @LucieMR @magentakoru @mallrat_uk @marmotbiscuits @mavisdee @monbling @mrsashboroscat @mrssimontemplar @MsSJH @NicolaCubes @nikkisinclair64 @ninjaworrier @nyncompoop @phantom_blonde @poorlittlenell @pricklyemu @rachamuffin @sarahtregear @sarahv1982 @secretstef @squeakysays @starlitwolf @stickymitts @sumarumi @Sundayhandbag @superkrispydj @taffy3rock @tajasel @tauntongardener @teddy_red @theeastanglian @tjathurman @waysidehealer @woodpeckergreen @xx_ItsOnlyMe_xx

JINGLY BALLS! #Twanta2016 is go.

Doodle and Wombat enjoy last year's Twanta Fancy Dress PartyJingly balls, jingly balls, jingly up your way. It’s time for #TWANTA2016 to shove another tree up another fairy’s frock and display his shiny balls for the seventh time. For the uninitiated, it was all @captain_doodle’s idea. There he is on the right, the sexpot. Those taking part in Twanta send a cheap but fun gift to someone that I nominate, possibly a complete stranger, and in return they receive a similar pressie from someone else. TWitter secret sANTA, see? As usual I’ll link you to the blog post from @davidtims from a few years ago which beautifully sums up the spirit of Twanta.

FOR NOW, JUST TELL ME IF YOU WANT TO TAKE PART so that I can add you to the Master Wallchart here at Twanta Towers. I’ll give people a few weeks to join, and you’ll receive the name of your Twantee shortly after that, deffo before the end of October. Those of you who are old hands will know all this already, but for the sake of completeness here’s a reminder of how the whole thing works.

One of a previous year's impressive gifts.Star You must have specifically asked me, and I must have confirmed that you’re taking part before you can join in. I reserve the right to reject anyone that I suspect of being dodgy. This is an attempt to avoid the slight wobble that happened several years back for two of our lovely twantadors (see below for a glossary of terms).

Star Make sure you follow @twanta2016 on Twitter. He (it’s me really, but don’t tell the little tweeters. Let’s not spoil the magic, eh?) will follow you back. DM your address to him so that he can pass it on to your own Secret Twanta. I do remember some of your addresses from last year, but once #Twanta2016 is over I will always delete the addresses of those who ask. If the Twitter Unfollow Bug has caused @twanta2016 to unfollow you, let me know so that I can correct that.

One of last year's impressive gifts.Star Tell me if there are any mortal enemies that you don’t want to be paired with. We don’t want to be responsible for any “INCIDENTS”. You can also make special requests (e.g. if you’re allergic to chocolate, or perhaps you don’t want to post anything to a different country). We are a benign Santa, and will accept all reasonable requests.

Star Very occasionally things go awry, and when that happens Twanta Fairies step in to send a gift at short notice. Please also let us know if you would be happy to be a volunteer Fairy, should any be required (though that’s not very likely).

One of last year's impressive gifts.Star Once @twanta2016 has everyone’s address, he’ll DM you to let you know for whom you are buying a gift (grammar), together with their address. You might want to spend a little while researching their timeline to find out a little bit about them. Yes, that’s a bit stalkery, but you’ll be able to make your gift a bit more personalised that way.

Star Buy a pressie for your twantee (as the recipients have somehow come to be known) and send it to them. Mark the envelope #TWANTA so they know what it is. Let @twanta2016 know that you’ve posted it (so I can keep track in case anything goes missing). It’s entirely up to you whether to remain anonymous or to expose yourself *snigger*.

One of last year's impressive gifts.Star Do NOT buy hugely expensive pressies (unless you’re buying for me, obv). Small, fun and imaginative is the rule of thumb, but don’t send an actual thumb. That would be hideous. I recommend spending no more than a tenner, though that of course is up to you. The photographs accompanying this post are of some previous gifts, should you need inspiration.

Star When you receive your #TWANTA pressie, again let @twanta2016 know. Challenge yourself to wait until Christmas Eve or Day to open the thing. Harness your willpower, grasshopper.

Star When your willpower fails, take a photo of your gift ready to post on Christmas Day when there will be a special SundayPix theme so that we can all follow the fun. Post the pic on Christmas Day including the hashtag #TWANTA2016 so that we can all follow the fun, and collect the pics on a special Pinterest board.

Have fun, and if it all goes tits up, remember that it was originally all the idea of that @captain_doodle, and castigate him mercilessly, not me oh no leave me alone.

Twantionary

Having trouble separating your twanta from your twantee? Completed your trifecta yet? Got no bloody idea what I’m talking about? Then this section will save you from social embarrassment akin to leaving the Ladies with your skirt tucked into the back of your knickers.

TWANTA – this word has two meanings. Firstly it is the all-encompassing name for the whole cosy event itself, although usually with the relevant year attached to its tail. Secondly, the Twanta is the person sending a gift. It is the Twanta’s own choice whether or not to remain secret.

TWANTEE – the person receiving said gift, with a smile and a song.

TWANTADOR – general term for anyone taking part.

TRIFECTA – the magic three milestones achieved by a Twantador who has (1) sent a gift, (2) learned that it has arrived, and (3) received their own.

TWUMBUG – a dirty rapscallion who fails to send a gift as promised.

FAIRY – a good-hearted TWANTADOR who volunteers to step in and provide a gift at short notice for anyone who falls victim to a TWUMBUG.

TWANTAVERSE – every bloody thing to do with Twanta. Constantly expanding.

EPISTLETOE – a hand-written letter included with the gift to add a virtual Christmas kiss and a personal touch. Not to be confused with Camel Toe, which is something entirely different.

Jingly balls! Time for Twanta2015

Doodle and Wombat enjoy last year's Twanta Fancy Dress PartyJingly balls, jingly balls, jingly all the way. It’s time for #TWANTA2015 to shove a tree up a fairy’s frock and display his shiny balls for the sixth time. For the uninitiated, it was all @captain_doodle’s idea. Those taking part in Twanta send a cheap but fun gift to someone that I nominate, possibly a complete stranger, and in return they receive a similar pressie from someone else. TWitter secret sANTA, see? As usual I’ll link you to the blog post from @davidtims from a few years ago which beautifully sums up the spirit of Twanta.

FOR NOW, TELL ME IF YOU WANT TO TAKE PART so that I can add you to the Master Wallchart here at Twanta Central. I’ll give people a couple of weeks to join. You’ll receive the name of your Twantee shortly after that. While I’m in the States over November the redoubtable @captain_doodle will ensure the smooth running of the whole operation.

Those of you who are old hands will know all this already, but for the sake of completeness here’s a reminder of how the whole thing works.

One of last year's impressive gifts.Star You must have specifically asked me, and I must have confirmed that you’re taking part before you can join in. I reserve the right to reject anyone that I suspect of being dodgy. This is an attempt to avoid the slight wobble that happened several years back for two of our lovely twantadors (see below for a glossary of terms).

Star Make sure you follow @twanta2015. He (it’s me really, but don’t tell the little tweeters. Let’s not spoil the magic, eh?) will follow you back. DM your address to him so that he can pass it on to your own Secret Twanta. We do remember some of your addresses from last year, but did delete all the addresses of those who asked. If the Twitter Unfollow Bug has caused @twanta2015 to unfollow you, let us know so that we can correct that.

One of last year's impressive gifts.Star Tell us if there are any mortal enemies that you don’t want to be paired with. We don’t want to be responsible for any “INCIDENTS”. You can also let us know any special requests (e.g. if you’re allergic to chocolate, or perhaps you don’t want to post anything to a different country). We are a benign Santa, and will accept all reasonable requests.

Star Very occasionally things go awry, and when that happens Twanta Fairies step in to send a gift at short notice. Please also let us know if you would be happy to be a volunteer Fairy, should any be required (though that’s not very likely).

One of last year's impressive gifts.Star Once @twanta2015 has everyone’s address, he’ll DM you to let you know for whom you are buying a gift (grammar), together with their address. You might want to spend a little while researching their timeline to find out a little bit about them. Yes, that’s a bit stalkery, but you’ll be able to make your gift a bit more personalised that way.

Star Buy a pressie for your twantee (as the recipients have somehow come to be known) and send it to them. Mark the envelope #TWANTA so they know what it is. Let @twanta2015 know that you’ve posted it (so we can keep track in case anything goes missing). It’s entirely up to you whether to remain anonymous or to expose yourself.

One of last year's impressive gifts.Star Do NOT buy hugely expensive pressies (unless you’re buying for me, obv). Small, fun and imaginative is the rule of thumb, but don’t send an actual thumb. That would be hideous. I recommend spending no more than a tenner, though that of course is up to you. The photographs accompanying this post are of some previous gifts, should you need inspiration.

Star When you receive your #TWANTA pressie, again let @twanta2015 know. Challenge yourself to wait until Christmas Eve or Day to open the thing. Harness your willpower, grasshopper.

Star When your willpower fails, take a photo of your gift ready to post on Christmas Day or Boxing Day (that’s the day after, US peeps). Include the hashtag #TWANTA2015 so that we can collect all the pics posted and put them on a special Pinterest board.

Have fun, and if it all goes tits up, remember that it was originally all the idea of that @captain_doodle, and castigate him mercilessly, not me oh no leave me alone.

 
An epistletoeTwantionary

Having trouble separating your twanta from your twantee? Completed your trifecta yet? Got no bloody idea what I’m talking about? Then this section will save you from social embarrassment akin to leaving the Ladies with your skirt tucked into the back of your knickers.

Gift with a bow TWANTA – this word has two meanings. Firstly it is the all-encompassing name for the whole cosy event itself, although usually with the relevant year attached to its tail. Secondly, the Twanta is the person sending a gift. It is the Twanta’s own choice whether or not to remain secret.

Gift with a bow TWANTEE – the person receiving said gift, with a smile and a song.

Gift with a bow TWANTADOR – general term for anyone taking part.

Gift with a bow TRIFECTA – the magic three milestones achieved by a Twantador who has (1) sent a gift, (2) learned that it has arrived, and (3) received their own.

Gift with a bow TWUMBUG – a dirty rapscallion who fails to send a gift as promised.

Gift with a bow FAIRY – a good-hearted TWANTADOR who volunteers to step in and provide a gift at short notice for anyone who falls victim to a TWUMBUG.

Gift with a bow TWANTAVERSE – every bloody thing to do with Twanta. Constantly expanding.

Gift with a bow EPISTLETOE – a hand-written letter included with the gift to add a virtual Christmas kiss and a personal touch. Not to be confused with Camel Toe, which is something entirely different.

#Twanta14 Twantadors

nicolax-twantabiscuit-excellentHo de ho, campers. It’s getting near time I started assigning Twantees to people. If you’re in the list below and haven’t already, please DM your address to @twanta2014 (or tell him if it’s the same as last year, if you prefer).

It’d also be a fine opportunity to inform us of any special requirements you might have, such as:

  • Folk to avoid
  • Countries you’d rather post to
  • Whether you have allergies

If you want to take part but aren’t on the list below, there’s still time. If you have no idea what #TWANTA is, this post will spurt all the knowledge you need into your head.

Twantadors confirmed for #TWANTA14

@2you2me2you @alexbrightsmith @alliterative @ananizapta
@AvenSarah @azzathepirate @basdriver @bexagin
@bilbobaggins2k @ByWordAndStich @captain_doodle @Cara_Erin
@cobain_10 @davidtims @doodledawne @doodledawne’s Em
@dbrereton @dutch_bitch @ellieexhibition @ericafairs
@FannyIngAbout @fisher1946 @gingerfig @greythorne
@Grumpy_Mel @Hols1983 @Hugeshark @IainLJ
@jamerz3294 @jayalay @JudgeTread @julieanon
@kirstyhalton @KJCollard @landladycheryl @lardychap
@LEJamez @lilianlouvaine @LizzyWelshCake @LouiseHector
@LucieMR @luggermatt @monbling @MrPeterWood
@MrsActive @MrsAshborosCat @NicolaCubes @nyncompoop
@och23 @Owlbird @pariahsickkid @phantom_blonde
@poorlittlenell @pricklyemu @rachaelkanute @Rachamuffin
@sarahhanner @SarahTregear @SarahV1982 @secretstef
@spiffykates @starlitwolf @sundayhandbag @superblouse
@teddy_red @TheFlossieTP @theweeyin15 @Tsaksonakis
@underbundle @waysidehealer @wombat37 @xx_ItsOnlyMe_xx
       

#TWANTA14 – and so it begins…

twantaJingly balls, jingly balls, jingly all the way. It’s time for #TWANTA14 to shove a tree up a fairy’s frock and display his shiny balls for the fifth time. For the uninitiated, it was all @captain_doodle’s idea. Those taking part in #TWANTA send a cheap but fun gift to someone that I nominate, possibly a complete stranger, and they receive a similar pressie from someone else. TWitter secret sANTA, see? As usual I’ll link you to the blog post from @davidtims five years ago which sums up the feeling of Twanta.

FOR NOW, JUST TELL ME IF YOU WANT TO TAKE PART. You can also make any special requests, such as the avoidance of individuals who might be mortal enemies, or perhaps you do not want to send anything abroad. I am a benign Santa, and will accept all reasonable requests. Here’s a reminder of how it all works.

Star You must have specifically asked me, and I must have confirmed that you’re taking part before you can join in. I reserve the right to reject anyone that I suspect of being dodgy. This is an attempt to avoid the slight wobble that happened a couple of years ago for two of our lovely twantadors. See below for a glossary of terms.

alliterative-heres-a-close-up_thumbStar Make sure you follow @twanta2014. He (it’s me really, but don’t tell the little tweeters. Let’s not spoil the magic, eh?) will follow you back. DM your address to him so that he can pass it on to your own Secret Twanta. I do remember some of your addresses from last year, but obviously I deleted all the addresses of those who asked me so to do. If the Twitter Unfollow Bug has caused @twanta2014 to unfollow you, let me know so that I can correct that.

Star Tell me if there’s anyone taking part that you don’t want to be paired with. I don’t want to be responsible for any “INCIDENTS”.

Star Once I have everyone’s address, I’ll DM you to let you know for whom you are buying a gift (grammar), together with their address. You might want to spend a little while researching their timeline to find out a little bit about them. Yes, that’s a bit stalkery, but you’ll be able to make your gift a bit more personalised that way.

b_wildered-brian-look-at-my-brilliant-_twanta2013-gift-yo-thank-you-x_thumb1Star Buy a pressie for your twantee (as the recipients have somehow come to be known) and send it to them. Mark the envelope #TWANTA so they know what it is. Let @twanta2014 know that you’ve posted it (so I can keep track in case anything goes missing). It’s entirely up to you whether to remain anonymous or to expose yourself.

Star Do NOT buy hugely expensive pressies (unless you’re buying for me, obv). Small, fun and imaginative is the rule of thumb, but don’t send an actual thumb. That would be hideous. I recommend spending no more than a tenner, though that of course is up to you. The photographs accompanying this post are of some previous gifts, should you need inspiration.

Star When you receive your #TWANTA pressie, again let @twanta2014 know. Challenge yourself to wait until Christmas Eve or Day to open the thing. Harness your willpower, grasshopper.

waywardlouStar When your willpower fails, take a photo of your gift ready to post on Christmas Day or Boxing Day (that’s the day after, US peeps). Include the hashtag #TWANTA14 so that I can collect all pics posted. I will (eventually) post a glorious blog celebrating how wonderful you lot are, and revealing (unless you tell me otherwise) who sent you your gift.

If it all goes tits up, remember that it was originally all the idea of that @captain_doodle, and castigate him mercilessly.

luggermatt-thanks-very-much-indeed-to-_twanta2013-i-shall-enjoy-making-it_thumbTwantionary

Having trouble separating your twanta from your twantee? Completed your trifecta yet? Got no bloody idea what I’m talking about? Then this section will save you from social embarrassment akin to leaving the Ladies with your skirt tucked into the back of your knickers.

Gift with a bow TWANTA – this word has two meanings. Firstly it is the all-encompassing name for the whole cosy event itself, although usually with the relevant year attached to its tail. Secondly, the Twanta is the person sending a gift. It is the Twanta’s own choice whether or not to remain secret.

Gift with a bow TWANTEE – the person receiving said gift, with a smile and a song.

Gift with a bow TWANTADOR – general term for anyone taking part. chickenprincess-look-at-my-present-its-best_thumb1

Gift with a bow TRIFECTA – the magic three milestones achieved by a Twantador who has (1) sent a gift, (2) learned that it has arrived, and (3) received their own.

Gift with a bow TWUMBUG – a dirty rapscallion who fails to send a gift as promised (see last year).

Gift with a bow TWATMONGER – see TWUMBUG.

bieredeluxe-captain-america-meets-batman-thanks-to-my-_twanta2013-present-_thumb1Gift with a bow FAIRY – a good-hearted TWANTADOR who volunteers to step in and provide a gift at short notice for anyone who falls victim to a TWUMBUG.

Gift with a bow TWANTAVERSE – every bloody thing to do with Twanta. Constantly expanding.

Gift with a bow EPISTLETOE – a hand-written letter included with the gift (see above) to add a virtual Christmas kiss and a personal touch. Not to be confused with Camel Toe, which is something entirely different.

Twanta 2013, Part Four of Four

Here it is, Twantadors, the final part of your who-gave-what-to-whom mega-blog. Click these links to see PART ONE, PART TWO and PART THREE. Now on with the show!

mrsactive Thank you very much to my Twantador for my fun gifts - breakfast will be much more fun

 

That lively @mrsactive is up first, singing “Thank you very much to my Twantador for my fun gifts – breakfast will be much more fun.” Fun breakfasts courtesy of the drop-dead gorgeous @och23, there.

 

nomdetwume #TWANTA2013 photographic magnetic schadenfreude with my lovely gift from @fluffy1st

 

 

 

 

@nomdetwume claims “#TWANTA2013 photographic magnetic schadenfreude with my lovely gift from @fluffy1st”. I wonder if you could make a filthy rude dirty dirty sentence?

 

noyoucockoff So thoughtful and right for me right down to the ear plugs. Can't wait to try the hot choc and the curry

 

 

“So thoughtful and right for me right down to the ear plugs. Can’t wait to try the hot choc and the curry! The Christmas tree badge LIGHTS UP and has made three or four outings upon my being including one on my nieces. She’s 7, so anything shiny is the height of awesome.” I think @noyoucockoff is pleased. Well sent, @avensarah.

 

nyncompoop loving my book. Farthinghoe - a carefree little laugh after breaking wind in Pilates.

 

 

 

Free sticker, ha! “Loving my book,” laughs* @nyncompoop, “Farthinghoe – a carefree little laugh after breaking wind in Pilates.” The Liff books are splendid – well done @louisehector for sending this one.

*actually she probably didn’t laugh at all while typing that.

 

phantom_blonde My #twanta pressie is brilliant. Thank you! Also thank you to @twanta2013 for organising. #suchfun

 

Ginger beer, OOOOH! It seems as if @phantom_blonde concurs with my reasoned assessment, for she says “My #twanta pressie is brilliant. Thank you! #suchfun.” Nice hashtaggery, there. @mrpeterwood got it spot on with this gift.

 

poorlittlenell Thank you so much to my Twanta for the lovely #Twanta2013. It was full of chocolate coins. They're all gone now,

 

 

“Thank you so much to my Twanta for the lovely #Twanta2013,” meddai’r hyfryd @poorlittlenell, “It was full of chocolate coins. They’re all gone now, and who’s in the #Twanta2013 case now? It’s the Baby Jesus! I’ve also been using it for my jewellery and necessaries.” Nid yw’r rhai geiniogau siocled yn hir. poorlittlenell And who's in the #Twanta2013 case now - it's the Baby Jesus!  I've also been using it for my jewellery and necesA beth yw’ch ‘angenrheidiau’? Hefyd, aw. Edrychwch ar y bach Baby Jeez! Mae’r presennol hyfryd yn dod o @davidtims.

 

prickly_emu

 

 

 

 

Had one of my Welsh episodes, then, sorry it is I am. Who’s up next? Ah, it’s @pricklyemu “WHOOOO! Thank you for all the awesome pricklyemu WHOOOO! Thank you for all the awesome #TWANTA2013 gifts from my lovely #twantador @PariahSickKid71 you're luffly!#TWANTA2013 gifts from my lovely #twantador @PariahSickKid71 you’re luffly!” she says, a little incoherently. She may be drunk on Reese’s Pieces, as I have oft been myself.

 

rachamuffin My lovely #twanta2013 present! Sorry it's taken a while, it's not been empty for long enough to photograph

 

 

 

 

Racha! Racha! Muffin muffin muffin! Yes it’s her, @rachamuffin herself, beautiful of eye and succulent with it*. “My lovely #twanta2013 present! Sorry it’s taken a while, it’s not been empty for long enough to photograph.” Nice choice with the ‘Nerdosaurus’, @hols1983.

*sorry, these little precis get a bit difficult to vary when you’ve done about ninety already and your mind is all spinny.

 

spiffykates

 

 

Now, I know that @spiffykates received a gift, because I have this pic – but I can’t find a photo of the contents anywhere in Twanta’s Sack. In which case, all I can say is, erm, nice use of red pen, @sarahhanner.

 

 

sundayhandbag My lovely #TWANTA13 gift a pretty beautifuly hand-covered in silk notebook

 

 

 

Ah, here’s better, isn’t it? Why, @sundayhandbag, this is beautiful, do you not agree? “ My lovely #TWANTA13 gift is pretty; a beautifully hand-covered-in-silk notebook.” I absolutely agree. Your benefactor with the superlative taste was @waysidehealer, whom, coincidentally, I wouldn’t mind hand covering in silk. Sorry, how completely inappropriate. I’ll be risking my spotless reputation at this rate.

 

superblouse Here's 1 of 2 photos. I'll take a photo of the other gifts latersuperblouse Here's part 2 of my photos. We played guess the chocolate flavour on NYE. Thanks again

 

Hey, @superblouse, what a lovely collection you got, eh? “We played guess the chocolate flavour on NYE. Thanks.” Peach looks dead pleased, too. Great work, @hugeshark.

 

 

I just realized my #Twanta2013 gift didn't have a name. I don't know who to thank for my goodies!

 

 

 

Interesting selection there, @whostolemyzen– who sent them? “I just realized my #Twanta2013 gift didn’t have a name. I don’t know who to thank for my goodies.” Luckily, I do – tis that smasher @luciemr.

 

witchofscience thank you for my #twanta2013 gift. Sorry for being late.Here’s another Twantador whose arse I’ve seen – it’s the lovely @witchofscience, and shush, she’s talking – “Thank you for my #twanta2013 gift. Sorry for being late.” That’s OK, Giz, we don’t mind, because you showed us it eventually Winking smile Your Twanta this year was one of Twitter’s finest, @owlbird.

 

Pics were not posted by @mswaichingliu81, who was sent something wonderful by the wonderful @nyncompoop, or by @starlitwolf whose Twanta was @butmadnnw.

 

 

RainbowA Fairy Tale

Once upon a time, on a remote island far far away* in an exotic land called Delaware, there lived a right bobby dazzler called @PariahSickKid71. Kid was as excited as could be, for this Christmas would bring a special gift from someone unknown. A Twanta gift. Perhaps even a Twanta gift from a Princess of the distant realm of Gallus Gallus Domesticus. But Christmas came, and went, and the postman continued to shake his weary, snow-covered head. Twanta was there none. Kid was sad, and spoke to those assembled thus:

I feel guilty n depressed and like I’m stupid cos I still haven’t gotten a twanta gift. Like I’m a big giant loser. Like it’s all my fault for living on a stupid island that only has mainland post office with one human in it. Called said human. Still no package. I must be the failure for this year’s twanta. Well next year I’ll still do it and send one out. But I will ask if I can be skipped on getting one. Cos I’m kinda tired of getting my feelings hurt. I’m tired of waiting on people and things. I’m just very tired of being failed and being a failure. I wish I could tell the person that I’m sorry they got me. I think I’ll take a few days off here. I’m not doing well with anxiety.

With a sorrowful tear, Kid disappeared from the world, and could not be found. The Spirit of Christmas was sad, and everything was grey, and filled with a deafening silence where there should have been resounding tinkles and laughter and colour and light. The Spirit of Christmas beckoned to his friend with benefits, The Good Fairy Twanta, who sat down and had a Big Think before writing a message across the night sky all spattered with stars. And her Twanta Fairy brother and sisters saw the message, and began to do what Fairies do best. No, not that.

zpariahsickkid71 3 just got overwhelmed

 

Two days later, Kid suddenly popped up out of nowhere, exclaiming “Just got overwhelmed. These came with a merry Christmas card yesterday. Right when I needed it. :)” Even though Kid’s smiley dace had no nose, there was obvious joy in the words. The Twanta Fairies had begun to work their magicks.

 

 

zpariahsickkid71b I got flowers last week from a twanta fairy and this week I got this from my 2nd! Secret twantazpariahsickkid71b - It had a beautiful card with lip gloss and tea!!! I love tea!Some days later, Kid almost sang “Thank you my Twanta Fairy for the flowers. The lilies were mostly closed when they arrived, but now they are open and fresh looking.” As Kid was speaking these words, there was a translucent sparkle in the air and… POOF! A second gift appeared. “I got flowers last week from a Twanta Fairy and now this!” squeaked an excited Kid. “It has a beautiful card with lip gloss and tea!!! I love tea! This card is going next to my happy jar and the beads are going on it.” And Kid smiled with happy.

 

zPariahsickkid71c This one came with a USPS apology in a small plastic bag as the original packaging was utterly destroyedBut the Twanta Fairies weren’t finished yet. Over the next few days more gifts arrived. First came the original gift that had gone missing – “This one came with a USPS apology in a small plastic bag as the original packaging was utterly destroyed. I think it may be my long lost twanta gift. Thanks muchly hope it wasn’t missing too much. I love my new flower hat. Because FLOWER.” And Kid put on the flower hat from @chickenprincess and danced.

zPariahsickkid71d Next was this one and thank you so much...this is so very useful. I'm always needing notebooks

 

 

Next came a collection of remarkable notebooks. “Thank you so much,” said Kid, “This is so very useful. I’m always needing notebooks.” The very first note in the very first notebook was about the happiness that the Fairies had brought.

 

zPariahsickkid71e Last package and definitely not least. Is this one...thank you so so much. So many pretty girly things and CANDY

 

Finally came one package to rule them all. Kid opened it and almost fainted. “Definitely not least denizen of the package universe is this one…thank you so so much. So many pretty girly things and CANDY !”

 

 

zPariahsickkid71e More last package

 

Over the course of the next few weeks, Kid tongued out the cream egg, and was traditionally disappointed by the plastic tat in the Kinder Egg, and generally had a rollicking time and lived happily ever after.

 

 

zPariahsickkid71e More last package 2

 

The moral of this tale, of course, is plain for everyone to see: that the darkest hour is just before the Twanta Fairies appear and show you that wonderful, caring people still exist in this tawdry old world of ours. And that, my children, is worth a fucking mint.

*only far far away from me, obviously.It might be quite close to you.

 

 

Giant thanks to everybody who took part in #TWANTA2013 – it was one of the best ever. In the words of @davidtims this whole experience has added a sparkle to our Christmas at time it was most needed, and it has restored (or perhaps reenergised) my faith in human nature.

Especial thanks to all my Twanta Fairies, whether called on or not, who with their kind hearts ensured that no-one felt left out – @2you2me2you, @ananizapta, @bilbobaggins2k, @bywordandstitch, @cornettofairy, @gemmajoobjoob, @hols1983, @iainlj, @jamerz3294, @louisehector, @nicolacubes, @poorlittlenell, @paulmooreesq, @superblouse, and @waysidehealer.

See you next year.

Twanta 2013, Part Three of Four

Further festive fun and frolic. Click HERE to revisit Part One, and HERE for Part Two.

belmsie Apologies for delay in posting. Here is my #twanta2013 cat hat. Big thank you to my twanta, its purrrfect

 

The Cat in the Hat is first up this in this section. Yup, it’s @belmsie, who unforgivingly puns “Big thank you to my twanta, its purrrfect.” Good present selection from @b_wildered there.

 

 

bexagin My #TWANTA2013 present! I'm having my coffee in it. Thank you @dawbes! It's perfect!

 

 

 

@bexagin says – “My #TWANTA2013 present! I’m having my coffee in it. Thank you @dawbes! It’s perfect!” bexagin A huge, XL thank you to my #TWANTA2013 fairy @jamerz3294, who wanted to be sure my gift wouldn't be too small.After the mug had been in the post for over three weeks, it seemed lost, so a generous Twanta Fairy stepped in, sending a giant shirt. “Huge XL thanks,” said a grateful Bex. The legend says “Normal is just a setting on the dryer”. Then the mug turned up after all. Lucky @bexagin, say I!

 

bilbobaggins2k Thank you #TWANTA, my present was perfect

 

 

Lookit, a Cheese Kit! What’s a Cheese Kit do? I really have no idea. Perhaps @bilbobaggins2k will tell us. First though “Thank you #TWANTA, my present was perfect.” is the message passed on to Twanta @cara_erin.

 

 

 

 

The two pics below are from @butmadnnw, who delightedly jabbers “The pic on the left was my 1st glimpse of my brilliant #twanta2013. I’d’ve been happy with these three. Then I started unfolding it! I wish my Twanta had been here to hear my delighted, awe-filled gasps as I carefully unwrapped the tissue paper. Well chosen, mi twantador! One of my favorite, impossible-to-get-in-US candies & a full set of Whovian stamps! I’ll need a frame!” I can add nothing, save that the sender was the wonderful @littlebit_bod.

butmadnnw This was my 1st glimpse of my brilliant #twanta2013. I'd've been happy w these 3. Then I started unfolding it!

butmadnnw Wish my #twanta2013 had been here to hear my delighted, awe-filled gasps as I carefully unwrapped the tissue paper

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

ByWordAndStitch hannah Oh my goodness @twanta2013! Look what my amazing #twantador sent me.  thank you so much! I love it

 

“Oh my goodness!” is the exclamation from @bywordandstich. I think she was pleased Smile Hannah continues “Look what my amazing #twantador sent me. Thank you so much! I love it.” Crafty work from @little_mavis, for it was she.

 

 

cara_erin So, I got this v cute nail dryer in the post today. Which I think must be my missing

 

 

So, @cara_erin got this “very cute nail dryer” in the post over a fortnight after it had been posted not 100 miles away. Apparently the monkey blows you, or something equally suggestive. Quirky and amusing, courtesy of @kimnmilward. cara_erin Thank you to my secret #twanta2013 fairy for my great gift! Can't wait to give it a go later Since it seemed as though Cara’s gift had gone missing, one of our remarkable Twanta Fairies sprang into action. “Thank you to my secret #twanta2013 fairy for my great gift! Can’t wait to give it a go later,” quoth Cara.

 

cobain_10 aftercobain_10 the mug works and the chocolate was yummyThis mug, apparently, represents the essence of reindeer. @cobain_10 reports that “the mug works and the chocolate was yummy”. Oh I see; a hot drink turns the mug into Rudolph, as the After pic on the right proves. Nice work, @flomineek.

 

 

 

dawbes Thank you so much #TWANTA2013 I know which bit I'm going to bite off first! xx

 

Wine and jelly men with jelly willies. “Thank you so much #TWANTA2013,” says @dawbes, “I know which bit I’m going to bite off first! xx”. Filth. Might have guessed that @belmsie sent them.

 

emmadventures Thank you for my very thoughtful #twanta2013 gift, such a lovely note

 

 

 

@emmadventures pipes up “Thank you for my very thoughtful #twanta2013 gift, such a lovely note.” Click on the picture to read it, Twantafans; considerate giving there, from @2you2me2you.

 

doodledawne's Em This was Emily's #TWANTA2013 gift, thank you so much she was thrilled

 

 

 

Here are the goodies sent to @doodledawne’s 9-year-old Em. Apparently “She was thrilled, thank you so much.” I think I must have a mental age of nine, cos I really like these. @badunderpants was the clever old sausage who sent these.

 

 

ericafairs To my twanteetwantador Your gift is not only useful but made us laugh as well. A Christmas result! Thank you!

 

 

Here’s that packet of pulchritude @ericafairs now. “To my twanteetwantador Your gift is not only useful but made us laugh as well. A Christmas result! Thank you!” It says ‘ideal for broken ribs’ on the box – perfect giftage from @dbrereton.

 

flomineek bella it's so INCREDIBLY thoughtful and appropriate, I remember the tweets these things reference

 

 

 

Heeeeeere’s @flomineek! “It’s so INCREDIBLY thoughtful and appropriate,” says Bella, “I remember the tweets these things reference.” Good stalking then, I’d say. Perhaps @judgetread has had plenty of practice… no, not he. He’s a prefect gentleman.

 

gemmajoobjoob I fear I may have to fight lily for my TWANTA....fab!

 

 

The lovely @alezed sent this present to @gemmajoobjoob, who was a bit chuffed. “I fear I may have to fight Lily for my TWANTA,” she says, “Fab!”. Fab? What are you, back in the Sixties?

 

hunyock My happy #twanta2013 gift! Thank u so very much, secret twantador! xx

 

 

 

“My happy #twanta2013 gift! Thank u so very much, secret twantador! xx” chirrups @hunyock, completely forgetting to spell ‘you’ correctly in the rush to go and make some lists. Your listing Twanta was @MacJude.

 

kimnmilwardShort of a camera, @kimnmilward posted this on New Year’s Eve, which says all it needs to really. Someone who always has amazing ideas, drunk or sober, is sender @superblouse.

 

lardychap BIKE PORN

 

 

“BIKE PORN!” screams @lardychap, as well he might. Not randomly, though, in the middle of a crowded restaurant. Oh no, tis because of his gift. Did these bicycles actually “change the world”, I wonder? @captain_doodle would probably know, cos he sent it.

 

 

little_mavis This was my lovely #Twanta2013 pressy. I will use them next time I have an indulgent bath.

 

 

Here’s the most wonderful woman who ever lived now, @little_mavis. “This was my lovely #Twanta2013 pressy. I will use them next time I have an indulgent bath.” she says, nodding her thanks to Twanta @underbundle.

 

littlebit_bod share the pretty tin. The stamps are all mine though at least until next Christmas

 

Who should scamper in now but that @littlebit_bod? She speaks to us in that sultry voice that we all know so well. “The lovely tin has yummy caramel waffle biscuits in that will help keep my energy up as LJs battle latest cold & then we can share the pretty tin. The stamps are all mine though at least until next Christmas.” Not just any old caramel waffle biscuits, these are yummy caramel waffle biscuits, sent by @dutch_bitch.

 

luciemr THANK YOU

 

 

“THANK YOU,” says @luciemr, keeping it short and sweet, rather like her pastry, although I’m not sure that the shouting is necessary. @starlitwolf puts her fingers in her ears.

 

macjude My actual Twanta took a better photo of my present than I did  RT @bilbobaggins2k

 

 

 

 

Totally spoilt by her Twanta this year by receiving a whole box of treats was @macjude. “My actual Twanta,” she says, “Took a better photo of my present than I did. Thank you x” The better photographer in this case was @bilbobaggins2k.

 

 

mallrat_uk My #TWANTA2013 #twanta present is perfect. An SWFC bear for my unborn son.

 

 

Boooo! Ssssss! Bloody Wednesday wan… whoa, sorry. Got briefly taken over by my Millers inclinations there. I’m under control now, honestly. Piggies fan @mallrat_uk says “My #TWANTA2013 #twanta present is perfect. An SWFC bear for my unborn son.” A very thoughtful gift indeed, from @teddy_red. Up The Millers.

 

 

 

mrpeterwood Warm hat. Jelly Beans. And the worst attempt at a selfie in recorded history'I’m not entirely sure that I’ve got these the right way round, so forgive me if not, but @mrpeterwood was another Twantador whose gift was in doubt for quite some time, and therefore was blessed by a Fairy. I think his original Twanta, mrpeterwood BREAK AFTER THIS Cat proverbs, a journal, lots of cat toys, even more cat awesomeness@whostolemyzen, sent the hat and comestibles. The cat stuff was Fairy-bestowed.

 

 

That’s it for Part Three. The final part will be coming in a day or two.

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